News is depressing (especially this week).  Let Tony D rewrite so at least you won’t have to dwell on it.

Real: Billy Crystal Replaces Eddie Murphy as Host of Academy Awards Ending Backstage Drama

Rewritten: Academy Awards to be Just as Boring as Previous Academy Awards

Real: An Artificial Heart Offers a Real Chance

Rewritten: New App Way More Important Than Angry Birds

Real: Strange Hyperactive Galaxies Spotted by Hubble Telescope

Rewritten: Aliens Also Have Kids That Eat Too Much Sugar

Real: Herman Cain in Michigan on Obama: “Beat Him With A Cain!”

Rewritten: Herman Cain Desperately Trying to Stay GOP’s Biggest Screw Up

Real: Study Links Regular Religious Service Attendance, Outlook on Life

Rewritten: Study Links Fairy Tales to Happiness

Real: National Spotlight Might Shine Too Bright for Gaffe-Prone Perry

Rewritten: Mentally Challenged Man’s Presidential Campaign Falters