Hey bros!

Welcome to another edition of Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is one of the funniest improv guys around, it’s Matt Besser from Upright Citizens Brigade.  Let see if he improvs his tweets.

November 26th: “Flight attendants have become the meter maids of the sky”

Yeah, I’m waiting for the moment they totally eliminate them and just put vending machines in the back of the chairs.

November 26th: “Willie Nelson busted in Texas with pot?! I think country musicians should be arrested for NOT having pot.”

Definitely Reggae guys should and probably rap guys.  I don’t know, is it very “country” to smoke pot.  I thought the drug of choice down South was Meth.

November 27th: “That’s why Boise isn’t a state!”

That’s one of the reasons.

November 29th:  “Terrorist attempted to set off a car bomb at an Oregon Christmas tree lighting. Some people get so moody during the holidays.”

Oh, Snap!  Take that Osama!

November 30th:  “The advantage of never having muscles is that I’ve never pulled a muscle.”

As the World’s Laziest Man, I’d salute you, but my hand is just so warm in this Snuggie.

December 4th:  “Every kiss begins with Kay, because she’s a slut.”

Man, I miss Crossballs.  You were awesome on that.

December 6th:  “Big branch fell on my house last night. Trees are so aggro these days.”

Fuckin’ Hipster trees.

December 6th:  “My spidey sense is telling me to close the show. #SpiderManthemusical

What? Don’t you immediately think of comic book fans when you hear the words “Broadway Musical”?

December 7th: “Congrats to Kelsey Grammer on his new engagement. I hope it gets picked up and lasts many seasons.”

Why get married when you have Fraiser syndication money? Why?

December 10th: “Miley Cyrus is my role model for how to smoke salvia.”

Is that why she ran off the stage last night screaming, “I’m covered in spiders!”?

December 11th: “On a bumper sticker on the back of a SUV, I just saw Calvin & Hobbes praying underneath a Cross. Now I finally get it. Praise the Lord!”

Whoops. Jesus just texted me. Says it wasn’t him. Just FYI.

December 11th: “Side effects of salvia include making your heart achy and sometimes breaky.”

Quick, someone explain that reference to Miley.

December 17th: “Cyber-bully just anonymously insulted my lunch money.”

Don’t piss him off. That guy will totally cyber-beat the shit out of you.

December 18th: “I love the sounds of the rain: pitter patter on the roof, screeching skid of tires, crashing twisting burning metal…”

Dude, are you the reason Myspace died?

December 20th: “I am so tired of chronic fatigue syndrome.”

See previous Snuggie reference. Too tired to type something new.

December 20th: “For a hundred bucks, and I can get you into a game to sack Favre.”

Only if you promise me he won’t get my cell number. Got enough pictures of penises on this thing.

December 21st: “The mudslides are getting worse, and I’m just talking about my bathroom.”

Try using less vodka.

December 22nd: “I knew that Rex Ryan always put his foot in his mouth, but I didn’t know he also put other people’s feet in there too.”

Ba-dum-dum! Keesh!

December 24th: “How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? None, they haven’t even seen the light.”

Ba-dum-dum! Keesh! Thank you. Try the veal!

December 25th: “Why did the atheist cross the road? To irritate the other side.”

And Merry Christmas to you too.

December 27th: “Chris Brown and Justin Bieber are teaming up to do a song. You can’t beat that!”

Oh, that’ll rock. Rock like Miley Cyrus!

December 27th: “Here are my top 15 albums of 2010. Tell me what I missed. http://www.mattbesser.com/blog.php”

Nope. You got 15.

December 29th: “Here’s the last Back Room w/ Paul Scheer, Jerry Minor, and Nic Cage auditioning for Family Circus http://www.yowie.com/show/1o6”

I hope Paul puts you on “The League”. That show fuckin’ rocks.

December 30th: “Rosie the Riveter died today. She’s survived by her husband Sal the Solderer, and their daughter Nora the Pneumatic Driller.”

What no lathe joke? Lame.

January 3rd: “ASSSSCAT and a night of Characters with @mattbesser and @mrmattwalsh Jan 13-14 at SF Sketchfest http://www.sfsketchfest.com”

Wish I could’ve saw it. Saw UCB in NYC when you were still in that little theater up on the 3rd or 4th floor. Magical and sweaty.

January 4th: “Brett Favre is being sued for sexual harrasment by two former massage therapists. Let’s hope this has a happy ending.”

Ba-dum-dum! Keesh!

January 8th: “I need to talk to a soldier in my bathroom – Major Dump.”

Good luck on that water landing.

January 9th: “My message to the world: Not everybody loves almonds.”

Shut up! They do too! They do too!

January 9th: “Michael Vick just got dogged by the Packers.”

Reminds me of this sketch

January 10th: “No more putting it off. Tomorrow I begin my Cadbury creme egg diet.”

If you can make Easter happen in January, sir, I should certainly like to see it. That’ll leave my April free to pursue other candy.

January 10th: “The Oregon duck mascot is pretty funny, but can he do a longform deconstruction?”

Pfff. Can he. That’s all he does.

January 11th: “The psychic in my neighborhood went out of business. I saw that coming.”

You have the gift!

9 hours ago: “Starbucks newest size is called “Trenta”. In Italian that means “I can’t believe you’re paying that much for coffee.””

Hey! I didn’t get these kidney stones so I would have to cart around TWO cups at Starbucks. Leave it alone, Besser.

Okay, let’s rate Matt’s tweets. Man, he’s just relentless. Boom-boom, one after another. For Insanity, I give him a 9, for Style also a 9 and for Mustness, definitely a 10. That’s a 9.3. You gotta follow him. And, go see Matt live, he’s one of the masters of improv. Stop by his website for important dates.

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