sf-chris-avatar.jpg  with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors are so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

— The 52-year-old Tampa, FL man who attempted to set his 77-year-old father aflame with an improvised blowtorch should take a hot beef injection and eat a dick. SIDE NOTE: The son was charged with “aggravated assault on someone older than 65”. Who knew there was an added age penalty for assault?

— This one is a doozy. A Flint, Michigan man was arrested after reporting his car stolen after he was “robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card“. The car was then discovered by police to be previously stolen! For sheer stupidity in the face of crime, this guy needs to eat a dick. Pronto. Like, express mail a dick to the prison and into his face.

— A dumb crime two-fer! In Riverton, Wyoming, a man stole a bottle of Schnapps and some cough drops, fled, and hid in a nearby building. Only problem was that building turned out to be… a police station. I think I found Flint, Michigan a potential cell mate. This guy should eat a dick and wash it down with those Schnapps.

— And for the hat trick– A California couple was arrested for robbing a check-cashing store that identified one of the robbers because she had previously applied for a job there! Eat a dick, stupid, and maybe try and brush up on your criminal technique in jail.

— The Czech medical team who accidentally left a foot-long surgical tool in a patient’s abdomen should have a foot-long tool left in their mouths and eat a bunch of dicks.

BONUS! This isn’t anything eat-a-dick-worthy, per se, but I just thought this headline was amazing. From Reuters.com: “Chicago has openings for two good men or women”. Yeah, that’s what she said.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.