Hey Bros:

Regular readers of this column have to remember one of the greatest tweets ever, Shitmydadsays, where a young man just posts random wisdom from his cranky pa.   This may have started a new trend in tweeting which seems to work.  Twittering not what you think or say, but what other people are saying and doing.  Steven Colbert just talked up taking up Miley Cyrus’s twitter and now I’ve discovered shhdonttellsteve.

The basic premise is the same.  Unknown to Steve, his roommate is twittering his every move.  (Well, the ones that amuse him anyway.)  I don’t know how old Steve is, so it’s a toss up if he’ll see this online.  Can it be as hilarious as shitmydadsays?  Let’s find out.

October 9th, 4:14pm: “Steve went to visit Burrito Girl at work. Came back with two free Burritos and said with a smirk “membership has it’s privileges.”

Nice.  I think this is going to be the White Trash version of shitmydadsays.  I see Ed Asner as dad, Vince Vaughn as Steve.

October 9th, 7:19pm: “Steve was watching an episode of Maury (paternity test episode) and wanted to bet on the DNA results.

Never bet against Maury.  Everyone knows the Maury always wins.

October 10th, 1:27am: “Steve went Bowling w/ BG and friends. BG got mad b/c he joked that her fingers are too chubby for a lady-sized ball.”I was totally kidding!”

Reminds me of that Simpsons bit:  “Your fingers are too fat.  Please smash the keys to order a special dialing wand.”

October 10th, 6:09pm: “Shelly wanted Steve to go to the art museum with us. Steve said “Nope. Art is pretentious” Said this eating Eggos on the couch in his boxers

Renaissance Man, Steve.

October 10th, 11:59pm: “Steve staying home tonight. Seems kinda bummed. BG working. Aggro Tony invited him out to Strip Club but “All Nude places creep [him] out”.

Ooo, new character.  The plot thickens.

October 11th, 2:52pm: “Aggro Tony brought bagels over for football. Steve loves bagels. Says they’re his favorite ethnic food.

They are delicious.

October 11th, 8:30pm: “Steve decided his body needs a “weed break”. Said he’s gonna blow through all of his stash tonight and start a “weed-free week” tomorrow.

Nice to see he’s health conscious.

October 12th, 11:14am:  “I’m officially freaked that Steve is going to find out. The Gorillamask link was a close one, I’ve seen Steve surf their “Spank Bank” page.

Awesome.  I wonder if Steve reads Super Frat.

October 12th, 12:46pm:  “Shelly Theory on if Steve finds out. First: Really Angry (swearing, punching walls), then hurt (moping), then totally psyched he has fans.

Yeah, unless you tweet something really embarrassing.  Like catching him masturbating or something.

October 12th, 1:49pm: “RE: @white_lightning “Would Steve Punch me if he found out?” Don’t think so. But pretty sure I’d need a Restraining Order for Aggro Tony.

You could always offer a bagel peace offering.

October 12th, 5:19pm: “Weed Free Week Day #1: Steve smoked so much last night he missed morning class. Is now playing XBox and eating Cheez-It Duoz (cheddar/Parm)

Aw, dude.  Food on the controller.  Braux pas.

October 12th, 9:22pm: “Steve said he needs to “kick it up a notch” with BG because he said, “The only thing she’s given up lately were those free burritos.”


12 hours ago: “Steve back from spending night at BG’s. Steve said things with BG are “all good bro” and gave me a thumbs up.

Guess he finally gave her his burrito.

7 hours ago: “Steve came back from class. Decided not to go to the Library because “I can study just as well here”. He’s watching Judge Joe Brown.

Yeah, that’s pretty much how the guys in Super Frat study.  Only they usually watch Comedy Central.

2 hours ago: “Weed Free Week Day #2: Steve seems to be replacing weed with food. Had Mac&Cheese, frozen Taquitos and now is on his 3rd ice cream sandwich

That doesn’t make any sense, unless weed works backwards on Steve and was repressing his appetite.  He must be Bizarro Weed Steve.

Short but sweet.  I think this is a tweet to definitely watch.  The countdown to when Steve finds out is on.  Sadly, I think the tweet might be dead if he does, but who knows.  Twittering is definitely better when someone is spying.  Okay, let’s rate, shhdonttellsteve.

I give the twitter a 7 for Style, cutting edge, but straight forward.  9 for Insanity because he is really risking a beating and a 10 for Mustness, because when Steve finds out will be so awesome.  That’s an overall score of 8.7.  A must follow, bros.

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