Super Frat

Hello, bros!  And welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is author of “Generation X”, Douglas Coupland.  He’s got a new book out called “Generation A”, but screw that, we’re going to review his tweets.  Let’s take a look.

September 11th, 10:31am:  “Smart: http://bit.ly/aCCFx (thank you Kate)”

What?!  No link honoring those that died on 9/11?  You commie.

September 12th, 2:38am:  “Dubai: http://bit.ly/4uw61R”

What?!  No link honoring stupid enough to follow Glenn Beck?  You liberal elitist!

September 12th, 1:58pm:  “I really have become addicted to Klondike bars for breakfast… they’re like square frozen bowls of cereal — they’re practically vitamins.”

I agree.  That’s why I’m 450 lbs.  Well, that and I drink mayonaisse.

September 13th, 6:41pm:  “Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday …just who was this ‘Wednes’? And why do they get a whole day named after them?”

He was the Roman God of Hump Days.  Romans celebrated his day by offering $2 pitchers at their local vomitorium.  But only from 4 to 7.

September 13th, 7:30pm: “Crap. *Now* what? Just got an angry email from Tues.”

Don’t answer a future email, Doug!  Especially an angry one!  You might never be born!

September 14th, 2:21pm:  “http://bit.ly/10vumE”

Pleasant!

September 14th, 8:36pm: “Cease and desist letter from Satur’s lawyers. This is getting too freaky.”

Satur?  You mean the male companions of Pan and Dionysus?  I didn’t know those guys even had lawyers.

September 15th, 10:55pm:  “To all event attendees this week and next: I’m collecting plastic bottle tops: peanut butter, juice, detergent… it’s for an art project.”

You know, it’s in my trash somewhere.  I’ll just bring you the whole bag and you take whatever you want.

September 15th, 10:57pm:  “Shaving cream. Toothpaste. Glue. Hair gel. Coffee cans.”

No, leave the toothpaste.  The raccoons love that.

September 15th, 10:58pm:  “Question for smokers: Do Canadian cigarettes have individual logos on each cigarette? Some brands, not others?”

No, but they all contain just a hint of back bacon flavor.

September 16th, 5:53pm: “Chuck Klosterman’s ‘Downtown Owl’ is an amazing book.”

Dude, you’re never going to move any copies like that.  Link that bitch.

September 17th, 12:14am: “Thanks to those who brought plastic bottle tops and caps to tonight’s taping.”

Dammit!  Now I’ll have to give my trash to David Sedaris.

September 17th, 12:15am: “Cigarette packs smell just as ravishing now as they did 21 years ago. Lure! Temptation! Taunt!”

Doug, you are truly an addict.

September 17th, 4:53pm: “Cigarettes are the same price as a huge box of 64 pencil crayons. Something is wrong there.”

You think that’s wrong, try smoking the color Orange.  You will NOT be in flavor country.

September 19th, 2:24pm: “Tried buying dynamite for recreational use? It’s hard. Seriously.”

If Hunter S. Thompson can make do, so can you.  Just mix it up from a formula from the Internet like a normal person.

September 20th, 3pm: “Please just send it to Vancouver: http://bit.ly/JXstY”

Best part about a Lego house?  If you get bored you can turn it into a Lunar Module or a Battleship.

September 20th, 3:03pm:  “Enjoyably lose a few minutes of your life: http://bit.ly/Fep8C”

Ah, nice link.

September 20th, 3:11pm: “Chernobyl satellite fun: http://bit.ly/44Wk05”

I can’t see any of the mutants no matter how far I zoom in.

September 20th, 3:20pm: “The Guardian ran a photo of my cousin, James, thinking it was me; a photographer has pulled a fast one.”

That happened to me once.  Why does your cousin always jump in front of people when they get their picture taken?

September 21st, 6:14pm:  “If attending a Toronto event, don’t forget plastic bottle caps: peanut butter, mayonnaise, shaving cream, pop …solid colours only. Beauty!”

Sorry, I can’t make it.  I’ll just have to mail my garbage postage due to Canada like I normally do.  If you get it, you get it.

Well, Doug, thanks for playing and good luck with the new book.  As for your tweets, well, I’d give you a 9 for Style (paced well and easy to read), 4 for Insanity (very levelheaded and normal) and a 5 for Mustness (regularly updated, but not urgent).  This gives you an overall score of 6.   Worth following, bros.  And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.