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Nov05

Frat Boy At the Movies: RocknRolla

by tonyd on November 5, 2008 at 2:10 am

In RocknRolla, Guy Ritchie returns to his old directorial stomping grounds: English hoodlums, rock music and flashy camera work.  The premise is a little convoluted: A group of hoods called “The Wild Bunch” have been screwed over by a bigger hood named Lenny Cole.  This forces the bunch to pull some robberies that they would not otherwise commit and it just so happens a hot accountant (played by Thandie Newton) has got the gig.  She works for a Russian mobster that needs to hide his money, so when he moves it is the perfect time to steal it since it is off the books.  The Wild Bunch do this, but this money, of course is part of a bigger deal with the Russian mobster and Lenny.  The impact from this robbery continues to ripple and bounces back and messes about with the dynamic of the local underworld economy.  Although my knowledge of organized crime tells me this is a more realistic plot, my knowledge of screenwriting tells me he probably should’ve gone with a more simpler premise.

Now you might ask, what does this have to do with the title.  That’s part of the problem.  The RocknRolla is Johnny Quid, a junkie rockstar, only he doesn’t show up to a good third of the way into the movie.  He’s sort of built up as a guy that destroys everything he touches and I sort of expected him to devastate everything in his path when he finally did interact with the characters.  That doesn’t quite happen, but there is an awful lot of swell mayhem, rock music and English guys yelling at each other to “Fok off!”

If I had to compare it to “Snatch” and “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” I would say this:  The earlier two movies had thieves and hoodlums that were mostly incompetent or too greedy for their own good.  The Wild Bunch actually has their act together mostly, so while they do get a bit over their heads, it’s not as epic as the characters from the first two movies.  Still, there is a nice plot device that ties the whole movie together.  And even though I didn’t feel for “The Wild Bunch” as much as I felt for the main characters in the previous movies.  Maybe there were too many people to keep track of.  I would’ve trimmed two or three characters to narrow the focus.  RocknRolla is still very entertaining.  (Although I am a big fan of Ritchie’s crime movies, so take it with a grain of salt.)

Jeremy Piven and Ludacris are in the movie, but quite frankly, they are wasted.  Their parts could’ve been played by anyone.  That’s not to say they aren’t good, they just aren’t really given much to do.  Mark Strong as the narrator, Archie, is pretty good, but his narration doesn’t drive the movie as consistently as you’d expect.

Ritchie sets up Johnny Quid for a sequel, which I suspect might be more along the lines of what I was looking for in this movie.  Maybe he’s just regaining his sea legs, I don’t know.  I was expecting a big action scene at the end and what you get feels a little uneven.  Ritchie tends to kill a lot of his characters, maybe he sacrificed that for the sequel set up.  I would rate this as third compared to the other two, but not such a distant third.  I give it 7 out of 10 beer kegs and I look forward to the sequel.

└ Tags: Frat Boy at the Movies, RocknRolla
1 Comment
Nov03

Investigation into Head

by tonyd on November 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm

RU News, November

The latest news from campus

└ Tags: RU Newser, Rubber
Comments Off on Investigation into Head
Oct29

Ask Señor Cactus!

by tonyd on October 29, 2008 at 5:26 pm

Ask Señor Cactus!TM

translated by Mr. Shit

transcribed by Tony DiGerolamo

Sr Cactus and Mistah Shit

And now it’s time for that prickly purveyor of wisdom…

The king of the Caryophyllales-Cactaceae…

Ladies and gentlemon’, the great Señor Cactus!

Inebriated on the Internet:

Thanks for the super fray update love pledge kitten bully

Ps I am siouiiiiiiio drink.

Del

Kitten Bully

Dear Drunken Bro:

Cactus say, he inspired by yer illiterate love for another bro and thanks for da email attachment with all your credit card numbers, pin numbers and pictures of your genitals. When ya sober up, make sure ya have a doctor check dat mole out!

Happy in Orlando:

Dear Señor Cactus:

I met a great guy online! He’s awesome and we’re celebrating our fifth anniversary in a couple of months! Isn’t that awesome?

Denise, 18, Orlando, Fl

Dear Jailbait Online:

Cactus say, five years?! Who’s yer boyfriend a target of Chris Hansen? If he not, he like da boy in da plastic vagina. Ya gonna have ta let him out before he go crazy. Cactus agree with wise Chinese philosopher: “Man who touch only two boobs soon look for a third.”

Torn in Texas:

Señor Cactus:

I don’t know who to vote for. I’m afraid of McCain because he’s old and I don’t like old people. I can’t vote for Obama, because I think he’s an arab. What should I do?

Joe, 20, U of N

Dear Voter Majority:

Cactus say, you are a fuckin’ retard! Ya shouldn’t vote at all. Ya should just concentrate on breathin’ because yer braindead head can barely handle dat! Dat you go to a University in da United States is an outrage! Ya should be sent back ta grammar school and forced ta repeat da fourth grade another seven times! Cactus say, it’s da retards like you dat make da debates get dumbed down even more! And ya still don’t watch! What should ya do? Stick yer head in a fuckin’ bucket and bang wit a brick, Joe da dumbass!

Liar-Liar Pants On the Floor:

Dear Señor Cactus:

I lie to get laid. It’s so easy! Once I found this ATM receipt for $19,000. I wrote my number on the back after meeting this model in a club and she called me 10 minutes later. I told this other girl I worked for the Secret Service. Another one that I was the lead in an upcoming movie. It’s just too damned easy. Why is it so easy?

Scott, 20, Villanova

Dear Genius:

Cactus say, slow down! He writin’ all dis down! Cactus don’t have opposable thumbs!

Wasted in NYC:

Dear Señor Cactus:

Yesterday I was out with this guy I started dating. I’m a little buzzed, but totally functional behind the wheel. I took a sip from a beer I had in my lap and he starts to freak. Grabs the beer right out of my hand and throws it out the window. I’m like, fine, you think I’m drunk, but I’m not and I’m proving it by driving fine. Then I start to think, this guy is probably a faggot because he doesn’t drink at all and why am I dating him?

Irene, 20, Manhattan

Dear Waste:

Cactus say, self-preservation is not a trait reserved exclusively for homosexuals. If he still dating you, he obviously not dat concerned wit his own safety. Plus, yer probably an unbelievable bitch because ya drive in da City anyways. Oh, wait, did Cactus make a sweepin’ generalization about ya based on one tiny bit of behavior? Sorry, Cactus meant ta call ya, “cunt”.

└ Tags: Mistah Shit, Señor Cactus
Comments Off on Ask Señor Cactus!
Oct27

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Duchess (is hot!)

by tonyd on October 27, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Yes, Keira Knightley is naked in the Duchess, but the real question is: “Is it a good kind of nudity?”  There’s nudity that makes you feel good about yourself and then there’s nudity that makes you feel kind of guilty for looking at it.  The Duchess walks a very fine line.

On the one hand, there’s no denying that Keira Knightley is smokin’ hot.  Even after a ridiculous scene where Ralph Fiennes, as the douchebag Duke of Devonshire, undresses her out of very complicated garmets.  But even so, you feel kind of guilty because Ralph is being such a dick and when it is revealed what a dick he is later—  Well, in retrospect, it’s kind of like watching some creepy old guy bone your sister.

That being said, there is a second lesbian scene without so much nudity that is REALLY hot.  Very boner-inducing.  That’s probably (pardon the pun) the climax of the movie.  The focus of the movie is the Duchess’ horrible relationship with the Duke, but the interesting stuff is going on behind the scenes in politics.  The Duchess is a popular historical figure in England because she held a lot of political sway at a time when women couldn’t even vote.  Unfortunately, most of the movie is about what a douche her husband is.  Although entertaining, I think the director missed the boat on what could have been an interesting look at English politics at the time, manipulated by a woman who had a bad husband and the occassional lesbian affair.  Everyone in the movie is great, but it’s like the real movie is happening somewhere nearby and you keep getting stuck at home with a dysfunctional family of rich people.  All in all it’s a fairly bearable chick flick.  I give it 5 beer kegs.

└ Tags: Frat Boy at the Movies, The Duchess
Comments Off on Frat Boy At the Movies: The Duchess (is hot!)
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