Hey bros!
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. This week’s contestant is comedian, Jim Gaffigan. Let’s see if his tweets are as hilarious as his stand up.
January 7th, 12:30pm: “There an Extenze drink?! “Yeah I’ll have a vodka & Extenze….and no friends””
Ha! Strong start. Funny guy. Funny guy!
January 7th 12:43pm: “Did some1 really think naming a restaurant Pizza HUT was a good idea? “We want a name that communicates quality food & 3rd world housing!””
Yeah, why not call it “Pizza Tenement” or “Pizza Shed”?
January 7th, 12:49pm: “Pizza Hut: “Is the pizza good?” “Good? They make it in a hut!” “Um I think I’ll just eat at radio shack thanks””
Ow, these cable adapters hurt my teeth.
January 7th, 2:26pm: “if someone gets a tatoo of my face on their face I will give them a nickle.”
Hmm. Can we see the nickle first?
January 7th, 6:49pm: “My favorite Christmas gift EVER! http://yfrog.com/4efb9rj”
Jeez, I think the tattoo would be easier to explain.
January 8th, 7:29pm: “Ways to improve the morning add following activities: watching TV, getting ready for bed, going to bed.”
Sleep is for the weak, Jim.
January 8th, 8:07am: “Dear Winter, You are trying too hard. Pace yourself!”
Once it’s on a roll, you can’t stop it.
January 8th, 8:16am: “Here’s an idea. We move the morning to noon. Lunch to 3pm. Then Leno, dinner, etc.”
That’s no good for me. Can we push lunch back to dinner?
January 8th, 8:23am: “Proof the morning sucks. They actually had to create the BREAKFAST burrito AND extend “The Today Show”. http://yfrog.com/3lqa8mj”
Just do what I do in the morning, get up, eat pizza and watch porn.
January 8th, 11:13pm: “Which is a worse name Dick Butkiss or Peter Richard Johnson?”
They are both pretty bad. They should probably end up in a movie with these women.
January 10th, 9:26am: “My wife thinks I’m weird because of my special diet coke french toast recipe. What’s so white trash about that? http://yfrog.com/4f3xkvj”
Awww. I just threw up a little.
January 11th, 1:19am: “The iPod of the 80’s. http://yfrog.com/4isodmj”
I can’t play Bananarama on that!
January 11th, 11:50am: “An award for talking about Bacon? http://shortyawards.com/jimgaffigan Is it possible? Isn’t Bacon a reward in a way?”
Yes, you get to hear this song.
January 12th, 2:15am: “The Olympics is the only acceptable place to wear a Speedo. Not the grocery store. Learned that the hard way.”
Unless you look like this. Then it’s okay.
January 12th, 12:32pm: “Why does the food in Taco Bell commercials always looks so different from the “stuff” i get at Taco Bell?”
Because you keep going to the Taco Belle drive thru. It’s a Mexican place run by hot Southern chicks.
January 12th, 12:32pm: “That new Taco Bell diet: If you go to Taco Bell it will make you not want to eat again.”
Yeah, I never eat at any restaurant where the combined age of the cooking staff doesn’t exceed 32.
January 12th, 12:34pm: “”All the Single Ladies”/Andy Griffith Mash-Up (Awesome of the Day) :: Blogs :: High Gravity :: Paste: http://bit.ly/7DsHxR via @addthis”
Funny.
January 12th, 6:25pm: “Class Act! Conan O’Brien Says He Won’t Host ‘Tonight Show’ After Leno – http://nyti.ms/4Q3yVS”
Yeah, NBC should’ve given the sketch show to Conan.
January 12th, 12:19pm: “If you haven’t yet Text the word: YELE to 501501 for a $5 donation. Type HAITI to the number 90999 for American Red Cross donation of $10.”
Yeah, but what the Hell are they doing with the food?
January 16th, 2:52pm: “What a bunch of jackasses! http://yfrog.com/4erdusj”
Aheh, heh. Well, they can’t all be gold.
January 16th, 4:01pm: “Horseshoes? Exactly how bored were they in the Wild West? http://yfrog.com/1d1kmxj”
Ha! Gold!
January 16th, 4:32pm: “When is it a motorcycle and when is it a jetski with wheels? http://yfrog.com/4acr5tj”
In the future, they will be one! Plus, they’ll serve delicious lattes.
January 16th, 8:53pm: “If watching the NFL made you lose weight, I’d be anorexic”
You mean watching the Eagles this year didn’t make you constant vomit?
January 16th, 8:58pm: “If you are going to Taco Bell for a diet, you have a bigger problem than your weight.”
Hey, people that eat at Taco Bell are at least taking a step up from Del Taco.
January 16th, 11:13pm: “It was great watching the Colts beat the penalties, I mean Ravens.”
One of the rare times I actually watch part of the game. I’d make less penalties than those guys.
January 16th, 11:54pm: “STILL recovering from the 45 minutes I spent watching Mama Mia 7 months ago. “God grant me the serenity…””
Thanks for ruining my keyboard. I just did a spittake.
January 17th, 3:35pm: “Just saw a drive thru beef jerky store. Has anyone ever been in that much of hurry to get beef jerky?”
Give me a break! I’ve got places to be! And that shit takes forever to chew.
January 17th, 5:44pm: “Now I know what my wife and I are wearing next New Years Eve. http://yfrog.com/33jx2vj”
Elvis has left his fashion sense.
January 18th, 1:09pm: “”You know that part of wine glass that makes it so special? We’re gonna get rid of it.” http://yfrog.com/321vpbj”
Maybe they’re just comparing it to Miller Light.
January 18th, 1:48am: “”Can u change the temperature outside for me? And by the way, I’d like sunrise moved back an hour too. Thanks!” http://yfrog.com/33lvckj”
And if it rains, build a tiny roof over me.
January 18th, 2:31am: “It looks like my glass lost. http://yfrog.com/35tf1vj”
Well, your glass started it.
January 19th, 9:01pm: “The founder of Taco Bell died. Hope this won’t affect the quality of the food.”
I heard he died after finally eating everything on the menu. His colon lept out of his body and ran away.
January 21st, 1:09pm: “See you Saturday in Montclair, NJ at The Wellmont Theater @ 7 & 930pm. I’ve been told good seats are still… http://bit.ly/8wa8TG”
Rock the house, Jim!
January 23rd, 9:40pm: “I’m looking for an ornament that says I love music AND I have horrible taste. http://yfrog.com/4getgvj”
Yeah, is that supposed to be a Christmas thing? What holiday could that represent?
January 25th, 10:35am: “At first I thought this was an ad for Red Lobster. http://yfrog.com/4iawlej”
Mmm, plus you can get a bloomin’ roach plate.
January 25th, 7:18pm: “This Fri thru Sun Chicago Theater. http://tinyurl.com/ca2cxa Only Single TKTS Avail. Coming up in Feb Houston!”
What? You mean married people can’t see your show? C’mon, Jim, don’t turn your comedy into some kind of meat market
All right, let’s rate Jim Gaffigan’s tweets. For Insanity, I give him a 6, for Style, definitely a 9 and for Mustness, also a 9. That’s an overall score of 7.6, let’s call it an even 8. Definitely a fun follow. And if you have someone to follow on Twitter, shoot us an email here.
