Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  You’ll realize that your birthday party was really just a hallucination brought on by too many mushrooms, possibly. Actually, you’re not sure. But either way, good birthday.

Aries:  You’ll realized that the guy setting up your iPhone doesn’t work for Apple and that you probably shouldn’t approach strangers in parking lots to set up your phone.

Taurus:  You’ll accidentally used canned air instead of hair spray, which doesn’t make your hair stay put, but does get you really high.

Gemini:  You will receive an obscene offer from a person in a fast food mascot costume.

Lemini:   You will make an obscene offer to someone while working at the fast food restaurant today.

Cancer:  You’ll accidentally text a total stranger a picture of your butt with googly eyes on the cheeks.

Leo:   This week, you’ll have cake for dinner with no regrets.

Virgo:  The stars say, you’ve had too much coffee and you can tell by the way you’re hand cutting each coffee bean.

Libra:   Your coworkers will notice the smell of your bacon scented cologne.

Scorpio:  You will fuck more inanimate objects this week than last week.

Sagittarius:  You will have to be reminded that the all-you-can-eat buffet does not include food you stuff in your pockets.

Capricorn:   Your dog will enjoy the same movie as you and he’ll bark with joy through out.

Aquarius:  Members of Antifa will show up to stomp on your flowers for not being woke enough.

Pisces: Now that you’re unemployed, Socialism seems like a good idea again.