1. Police beat protesters with baguettes instead of batons.
  2. Starbucks burned down, but wine shops left untouched.
  3. Abandoned berets all over the street.
  4. Despite chaos, rioters still have time to look down upon American tourists.
  5. Riots stop every 15 minutes for smoke breaks.
  6. Police forced to break out emergency wine and cheese during long shifts.
  7. Despite violence, everyone shouting in French still sounds cool.
  8. Military confused about who to surrender to.
  9. Locals so worried, they call their families and mistresses to make sure they’re safe.
  10. Somehow everyone smells even worse.