The news is so awful recently.  Here now are Ten Things I’d Like to See in the News before the end of 2017.

  1.  Donald Trump retires to tweet full time.
  2.  Americans become so healthy, healthcare costs plummet.
  3.  Iran elects Elmo as president.
  4.  Hillary Clinton become recluse and decides never to grant interviews.
  5.  California installs state-wide sprinkler system.
  6. U.S. Troops return home because there’s not enough people for all the jobs.
  7.  Makers of Blade Runner 2049 apologize for fucking it up.
  8. Apple announces no more iPhones until they can come up with an actual improvement.
  9. Olive Garden closes doors forever.
  10. News channels complain they can no longer find any bad news stories to talk about.