SF Tony Avatar

The Super Bowl is coming and I could care less.  Sorry, sports bore me.  But hey, food does not.  There is always plenty of food at a Super Bowl party, commercials and the half time show.  But even these have jumped the shark for me.  The commercials are now so over hyped, if that’s possible, I don’t even want to see them.  And the half time show?  It always seems behind the times.  Lenny Kravitz is a good choice, but he would’ve been a great choice 10 years ago.  Here now is what I would really like to see at a Super Bowl Half Time Show.

1.  Boobies.

2.  Two giant Fox robots fighting each other on the 50 yard-line.

3.  A one-minute highlight reel from the first half, so I don’t have to watch it.

4.  One fan gets to attempt to kick a field goal from 30 yards out for a million dollars.

5.  One of those cool high school marching bands that spell stuff out on the field.

6.  A musical act that’s had a number one hit this year.

7.  A mascot race between the two teams and all the sponsors’ mascots.  Winner gets an extra commercial.

8.  Not one fucking mention of any shitty Fox shows that are coming up.  I mean, Jesus Christ, how much TV do they expect you to watch?  We just sat through a two hour game!

9.  If Simpsons, Family Guy and Bob’s Burgers is pre-empted for the game, show them on FX so I can watch them.

10.  Only funny commercials.  No serious ones and none that have already been leaked on the Internet.