SF Tony Avatar

The Olympics are so God damned boring.  I just don’t get it.  I mean, I understand it, I just don’t know how anyone would want to sit down and watch it.  Sure, you like to know how many medals we won, even though we’re from the most powerful country in the world and end up taking tons of medals away from poorer countries.  But that shouldn’t take more than two minutes, tops.  Here now are Ten Things I’d Like to See in the Olympics, that would make we want to watch….maybe.

1.  Scorecard girls:  Hey, works for boxing.  Throw some titties in there.  Couldn’t hurt.

2.  Eating Events:  No, I don’t think those fatsos are really athletes either, but at least the ground would be pretty level with the other countries.

3.  Nudity:  That’s what the original Olympics had.  Those skin tight bodysuits leave little to the imagination anyway.

4.  Drinking Contests:  C’mon, Ireland needs a medal.

5.  Live Betting:  I’m sure the rest of the world probably already does it.  Let’s see those odds.

6.  Gladiator Games:  They don’t have to kill each other.  The UFC is practically there already.

7.  Smash Up Derby:  You bring in the hillbilly audience and you get to see cars crash.  Win-win.

8.  The Prison Olympics:  Tell these guys they get to go free if they win a gold and you’ll see some serious competition.

9.  Weighted Scoring:  Countries with the least money and training should get their athletes’ scores weighted so they actually have a shot at a medal.

10.  Olympics After Dark:  Why not have sex events?  As a great comedian once said, “Sex should be an Olympic Sport because if you’re good at blowjobs, you deserve a medal.”