Ten Things I Expect Dicks to do With Time Travelon September 28, 2013 at 12:01 am
Time travel is often depicted in the movies as being a thing in which noble scientists try to use it for noble reasons. Sure, in a few movies, bad people get a hold of the time machines. (Like the Mafia in Looper.) But in general, people can be assholes, so I expect that if time travel ever became a reality, here’s the Ten Things I Expect Dicks to do With Time Travel.
1. Go back in time to before you were married to cheat on your spouse.
2. Skip out on a check at a restaurant by ducking into a stall and time traveling to a few hours before you ate there.
3. Use time machine to go back in time to change history just to win at Trivia Pursuit.
4. Visit your past, virgin self, bring him to the future to get laid and then return him to the past so his first time isn’t so awkward.
5. Go to a baseball game, sit until the end, then time travel back to the 7th inning so you can beat the traffic.
6. Time travel back to the moment where a cop gave you a speeding ticket and blow past him doing 120 mph because he’ll be out of his car and unable to catch you. And even if he sees it, he won’t believe it.
7. Get really hammered, time travel back to the Neolithic Period, vomit, return to present and vomit-free couch.
8. Toss your trash onto the Chicago Fire of 1871.
9. Show up to buffet on Titantic, eat fill and leave before the ship sinks.
10. Travel back in time to moment friend is getting school picture taken and punch him in the junk just as the picture is snapped.