Ingredients:  3 1/2 cups flour, 2 1/2 teaspoons of yeast, 2 tablespoons of sugar, 1 tablespoon salt, 1 1/2 cups of hot water, 1 1/2 tablespoons of malt syrup, 1 egg beaten with 1 teaspoon of water, one bottle of Rolling Rock, one medium sized bong, 1/2 dime bag of schwag.

Step 1:  Visit diner on late night drinking binge.

Step 2:  Order bagel, complain about quality.

Step 3:  Return to frat house, pass out on couch.

Step 4:  Wake up next morning hungover with note that says “Make good bagels?” written on napkin.

Step 5:  Go to internet, find bagel recipe.

Step 6:  Find Rolling Rock while gathering ingredients, drink hair of the dog.

Step 7:  Add dry ingredients to mixer, stir.  Ignore crusty film in mixer from previous aborted attempt to make pancakes.

Step 8:  Slowly add water until dough is made.

Step 9:  Transfer dough to lightly oiled bowl and cover with plastic wrap.

Step 10:  Get bored waiting for dough to rise, find friend with chronic.

Step 11:  Smoke a bong.

Step 12:  Smoke another bong.

Step 13:  Smoke one more bong.

Step 14:  Play video games and eat Doritos for six hours.

Step 15:  Live life as normal for next five days.

Step 16:  Complain about smell coming from pantry.

Step 17:  Discover mold infested dough, blame pledge for mess.

Step 18:  Make pledge clean up mess.

Step 19:  Listen to pledge recount your attempt at bagel-making.  Deny.

Step 20:  Insist that there is no possible way to make decent homemade bagels.  Prepare for next drunken binge.