1.  A drink under one dollar.

2.  A cashier over the age of 25.

3.  An usher that actually throws people out for not turning off their cellphones.

4.  Audience members that use the exits near the screen, instead of the ones you came in.

5.  A movie time that actually starts around 9pm so you can get home for the news.

6.  A ticket seller that actually cards people for the R-rated movies.

7.  A ticket seller that actually warns the adults about how shitty the family movie is that you’re about to see.

8.  A theater that charged an extra two dollars so you wouldn’t have to see commercials that you see on TV for free.

9.  A theater that wouldn’t show a trailer for a better movie than you are about to see.

10.  A warning light that would blink to tell you whether or not to stay for after-the-credits sequences.