1.  Any movie starring Adam Sandler.

2. Who is actually invited and who is just a shitty actor that’s a seat filler.

3.  The awards you actually care about happening first.

4.  The name of a foreign movie you actually saw before you heard about it on the Oscars.

5.  A tribute to brevity.

6.  Wings Hauser.

7.  Ricky Gervais hosting.

8.  Total Recall.

9.  An announcement that all musical numbers will be banned this year.

10.  The host stretching his material because the broadcast has run too short.