Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: The OJ Sketchon May 21, 2012 at 12:01 am
You don’t get more dated than sketches about the O.J. Simpson trial. This one is a visual, so you really gotta picture it to make it work. I’m pretty sure this was part of some SNL samples. It sounds like an SNL sketch.
The ABC News O.J. Model Sketch
written by: Tony DiGerolamo
INT. ABC NEWS SET
This is ABC’s live coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial. PETER JENNINGS sits at his desk monitoring the activities.
ABC News live coverage of the O.J. Simpson
Thank you, we’re in the middle of another
break in the trial, but while we’re waiting,
let’s talk with our panel of experts.
ANGLE ON JAY
We have Jay Maguire, lead prosecutor for
the county of New York.
ANGLE ON WILMA
Wilma Peele, Assistant D.A. for the city
ANGLE ON BOB
And, Bob Newton, an experienced trial
attorney, from Newton, Newton and Lobage.
Mr. Newton, let me start with you. The
prosecution has put forth the evidence
of the bloody glove. How strong do you
think is that evidence?
Well, I think its very damaging to the
Simpson defense. It, um…it is, well,
Peter, let me just interject here. I
think the investigation of the LAPD
clearly does not show who the glove
belongs to, if you look at the photos…
We don’t have those photos available to
us, but ABC has recreated the Simpson
house. Mr. Maguire, please describe
what we’re looking at.
ANGLE ON THE MODEL
This is an exact model of O.J.’s Rockingham estate.
This is, of course, Mr. Simpson’s estate.
As you can see here, there’s a very
thin alleyway between the fence and
ZOOM OUT to reveal the bloody glove, but unfortunately the glove is normal sized and looks gigantic as compared to the model.
Clearly, the glove in question looks
too large for anyone to have carried
it here. I think it was placed here,
possibly by a giant, which could also
explain how the murderer got back from
Nicole Simpson’s residence so fast.
THREE SHOT, BOB, JAY AND WILMA
Bob looks very confused and distraught about the model. Jay is very serious about it.
Well, wait a minute— That was just
Absolutely, Bob. Peter, Mr. Maguire’s
clearly not seeing the real point of
the recreated model. The real point
of this model is to show approximates.
Approximately, where the glove was,
not so much concentrating on proportions.
The real issue here is how did O.J.
BACK TO THE MODEL
ZOOM OUT more to reveal a train set nearby. The train is zooming around a tiny track at a high speed. A Gumby figure is at the controls.
Get past the Brentwood train? Clearly,
this train moves too fast and too quickly
for any human to get past it.
Excuse me, I, uh, really think my colleagues
are reading into this model a little
Interesting theory, Bob, do you think
the model makers may have played a
role in the Simpson/Goldman murder?
No, that’s the point. The models don’t
have anything to do with the murders.
Well, clearly Bob has a problem with
this recreation, so let’s put it aside.
And take a look at the computerized model
of the crime scene. Ms. Peele?
ANGLE ON COMPUTERIZED MODEL
This is like the NBC computer model of Nicole Brown Simpson’s condo. As Wilma describes it, the computer shows recreated images of Nicole’s house.
What we’re looking at here is the front
porch of the Nicole Brown residence.
As you can see, there wasn’t much
maneuvering room for Nicole or Ron
Goldman to get away. And as we examine
the interior of the condo further…
The computer zooms into the first room. It contains two computer generated figthers, one a ninja, the other a monster/man, fighting much like Mortal Kombat II.
We can see another possible explanation
for the Simpson/Goldman murder. Seeing
this I would have to ask why the police
never questioned these two, apparently
BACK TO THE THREE SHOT
Bob can’t believe this is happening.
I have to concur, but it may be the
fact that one of the suspects was a
half-man, half-lizard, so there may
have been some language barrier, but
Bob, your thoughts on the Ninja/Lizard
My thoughts?! Th-that’s ludicrous!
Where did you get these models?
Bob, I think you’re dwelling on the
“model issue” just a little bit.
(Peter is interrupted by someone off
camera) I’m sorry, Bob, you’re point
will have to wait, we’re just about to
go back to trial, but unfortunately, the
video feed has been severed. ABC does,
however, have back up visuals, let’s go
live to those at this time.
ANGLE ON BACK UP VISUALS
The back up visuals is a puppet version of the O.J. trial. The various players in this drama are represented by dolls. Judge Ito is a classic GI with a judges robe. Shapiro is represented by a Ken doll in a suit, etc. The model maker, unfortunately, ran out of dolls to fill up the audience, so it is full of Ninja turtles, Power Rangers, Super Heroes, Star Wars figures, etc. Marsha Clark is represented by a hand puppet and there is no audio.
KEY: O.J. Simpson trial – ABC Back Up Visual
Peter, Jay, Wilma and Bob are alternatively keyed in a box over the picture while they make comments. The Marsha Clark puppet seems very agitated.
We’re back at the trial and clearly
Prosecutor Marsha Clark is agitated
over something. Jay?
Again, this goes back to the opening
statements that Jonny Cochrane made.
The defense didn’t want the Simpson
family and the Goldman family facing
jurors, but now the prosecution may
be upset at allowing the Power Rangers
to view the trial.
I agree, the Power Rangers are a powerful
presence, certainly. The jurors may well
ask and the defense may lean them in this
direction, where were the Power Rangers
during this investigation? Couldn’t some
of these beings use their powers to prove
or disprove the prosecutions theories?
Again, the possible “gaint” killer.
Bob, anything to add?
ANGLE ON BOB
He’s had it. He’s taking off his microphone and leaving.
You people are making a mockery out
of the Justice System. I’m leaving!
FOLLOW BOB as he opens the door to leave the room. As soon as he does, a giant Tyranasaurus Rex head grabs him and pulls him outside.
ANGLE ON MODEL
A model dinosaur, thrashes around with a model of Bob in its mouth.
KEY: ABC Recreation
That’s all we have time for, we’ll be back
with more of the Simpson trial, after this.