Real: The Field Museum Offers Extensive “Genghis Kahn” Exhibit

Rewritten: Mass Murderer Honored Because No Victims’ Family Alive to Remember Crimes

Real: Vladamir Putin Blogging for Huffington Post

Rewritten: Vladamir Putin Takes Internet Internship

Real: Alaska Releases Last Batch of Sarah Palin Emails

Rewritten: Alaska Release Emails of Mentally Challenged Citizen

Real: Google Agrees to Do-Not-Track Button

Rewritten: Google Agrees to Pretend Not to Invade Your Privacy

Real: A New Water World Discovered

Rewritten: Planet With Shitty Box Office Discovered

Real: “Disturbing” Study Finds 19 Percent of Teens Drive After Marijuana

Rewritten: Doritos Too Far Away From 19 Percent of Stoners

Real: Obama Sends Apology as Afghan Koran Protest Rage

Rewritten: President Apologizes for Burning Books, Not for Bombing Civilians

Real: “Act of Valor” Aims for No. 1 Spot at Box Office

Rewritten: Army Recruitment Film Hopes to Fool Ignorant Teens and Movie Goers

Real: Lucy Lawless, Greenpeace Activist Occupy Ship in Oil-Drilling Protest

Rewritten: Lesbian Icon Against Penetration of Earth