Hey Bros!

Today I’m at Wizard World Philly in Artist Alley. Stop on by! In the meantime, here’s your rewritten headlines with all the spoilers in tact!

Real:
Old Worm Won’t Die After 2008 Attack on Military

Rewritten: Pentagon Still Using Windows ’98

Real: Jim Carrey No “Ace” as Penguin Papa

Rewritten: Jim Carrey Still Paying for Divorce

Real: Consumer Confidence Out of Sync With Gains in U.S. Stocks Since March 2009

Rewritten: Rich People Continue To Fuck Over Everyone

Real: Republicans See Presidential Race Prospects Rise With Slowing U.S. Economy

Rewritten: Republicans High-Five As Rich People Fuck Over Everyone

Real: Facebook iPad App Almost Ready to Go

Rewritten: Invasion of Privacy Soon to Be Available on iPad

Real: 150 Hurt, 100 Arrested in Vancouver Riot

Rewritten: Canadians Still Way Too Into Hockey

Real: High School Students Drinking Fewer Sodas

Rewritten: High School Students Better Able to Smuggle Vodka to School

Real: Weiner’s Departure Removes Distraction for U.S. House Democrats

Rewritten: Comedians Mourn Loss of Easy Dick Jokes