I forget what website this sample was for. Reading it back, I think it’s merely amusing and not hilarious. Still some good tips.

Sex at 60 mph: A Gentlemen’s Guide to Vehicular Orgasm
written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2007

Some may consider committing a sexual act inside a car lewd, crude and possibly illegal. However, sex is 90% mental and generating excitement in frontal lobes is always a positive thing. What woman doesn’t want to live a little dangerously? And have you ever met a woman who didn’t like to be ravaged before you made it to the bedroom? When libidos are unleashed it’s inevitable your car will become the boudoir. Here are a few tips to keep things sensible and safe.

1) Straight-aways are your friend: Assuming your alignment is up to par, finding a good stretch of road where you won’t have to steer is essential.
2) Use both feet: Depending on your position, you may not be able to lift your left and shift it to the brake pedal in an emergency. Make sure you’ve got one foot on the break and one on the gas.
3) Endurance is irrelevant: Holding out isn’t a priority in this sex act. If you get done early, you can please your date with one hand while driving with the other.
4) Don’t worry about the interior: Your date’s bodily fluids are unlikely to make a lasting impression on your seats.
5) Oral Sex is best: This allows the maximum mobility and safety at any speed. Just beware of truckers and busses passing you, as their elevated position will allow them to see you.