sf-chris-avatar.jpg  with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors are so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

— The genius from Tyler, TX who thought it’d be a good idea to call 911 to report he’d committed a homicide to get police to respond quicker to an assault claim he’d called in earlier should take a page from the fable I just now made up, called The Boy Who Cried Dick, and eat it.

— The 70-year-old man who hit his 63rd arrest for trying to steal three bottles of champagne should celebrate this milestone with a glass of the bubbly and eat a dick on a cracker.

— The co-owner of a Hermantown, Minn. construction company who assaulted a co-worker with a backhoe should replace one hardhat with another and eat a dick.

— New Mexico auto dealer, Ken Zagara, sez he turned to gambling to save his ailing car dealership, accumulating a $250,000 debt that sunk his business indefinitely.  Looks like this guy rolled one-eyed snake eyes one to many times.  His only chance is to file a Chapter 69 and eat a dick.

— Todd Napodano, the dude who exposed himself to a mother and daughter in a store parking lot, but told police his was nude because of “explosive diarrhea”, and was using his underwear to clean himself off, should come clean and try wiping off the inside of his mouth with a big, fat dick.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.