Hello, bros and welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  I was beginning to think I would never find anything as entertaining as Courtney Love’s nonsensical tweets, but I was wrong.  Today we examine shitmydadsays.

28 year-old Justin lives with his 73 year-old dad and is using his Twitter to post random things that he says.  This is brilliant for lots of reason, but mainly because we all know he will never find out about it.  Brace yourself, bros.

August 3rd, 2:24pm:  “I didn’t live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don’t fix me your breakfast and pretend you’re fixing mine.”

Wow, he’s more cranky than John McCain.  Hope he doesn’t run for president.

August 4th, 12:59pm: “The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside.”

Is he telling him to go inside to get a dog or get his own “inside” place?  I’m thinking the latter.

August 5th, 12:13pm:  “When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot.”

There is no way to type how hard I am laughing right now.

August 6th, 12:41pm:  “Jesus it’s hot in here? Right? No? It’s fucking hot, you people looking at me like i’m crazy. You’re crazy.”

Yeah, you tell ’em grandpa!

August 7th, 12:33pm:  “Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I’ll answer.

Why should I record a show on the Tivo?  If I want to watch it, I’ll be here when its on!

August 11th, 12:51pm: “If your brother comes by, tell him I’m on vacation. I already told him that, but who knows with that guy. Are you listening to me? Fuck.

Oh, Justin is listening all right.

August 11th, 1:22pm:  “Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think.”

Did they base Grandpa Simpson on Justin’s dad?

August 12th, 11:46am: (left on answering machine) “Hello? Hello? It’s Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it.”

I just had to explain to the rest of the people in the house why I am in my office laughing my ass off.

August 14th, 12:56pm:  “It’s watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don’t even pay rent, just do it. Shit.”

Yeah-yeah, dad I’m typing something on Twitter.

August 15th, 5:42pm:  “My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday…You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I’m a mad man if you don’t pick me the hell up.”

You want to watch the Tudors, then?  “Tudors?!  What the Hell’s a Tudor?  I’m a Tudor if you don’t pick me the hell up!”  See?  Works with anything.

August 17th, 12:23pm:  “They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don’t.”

I can’t wait to see the post on Father’s Day.

August 18th, 1:43pm:  “The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He’s a god damned dog.”

He’s right, Justin.  I gave my dog a Rubix Cube and she only finished two sides.

August 19th, 12:28pm:  “Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices… Jesus, Joni (my mom) it’s a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn’t even real dammit!”

Thanks for ruining my childhood hero!

August 20th, 12:35pm:  “Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.”

Fuckin’ douchebag, baby!  Probably grow up and transcribe your brother’s ramblings on the Internet.

August 21st, 11:57am:  “Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”

This may be the best thing I’ve ever read on the Internet.

August 22nd, 2:15pm:  “Don’t touch the bacon, it’s not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i’ll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing.”

Except type on the fucking blackberry all day.

August 23rd, 4:03pm:  “You need to flush the toilet more than once…No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet.”

And I don’t want your poo mixed with mine!

August 24th, 11:07pm:  “Who is this woman?….Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks.”

Yeah and her fuckin’ spices!

9 hours ago:  “How the fuck should I know if it’s still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn’t good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes.”

You drop dead and it was poison.  Do I have to explain everything?

Well, bros, this was the most classic twitter ever.  Kudos to you Justin for thinking of it.  A brilliant use of an idiotic technology.  Let’s rate it.  For Insanity, I give you a 10, easily.  You are one crazy dude, Justin and your dad is going to kick your ass if he ever finds out.  For Style, gotta also go with 10.  You’ve obviously picked the best quotes and they are hilarious.  And finally, yes bros, 10 for Mustness.  I cannot wait to see the next tweet.  Perfect score!  10 for shitmydadsays!  If there is a Twitter Oscar, I have found the winner!  Please, all of you, subscribe now.  And if you have something this brilliant on twitter, email us for the next Twitter in Focus.