Hello, bros.

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  In a shameless attempt to boost our hits in the slow summer, this week’s contestant on TIF is Kim Kardashian.  I sort of vaguely know who this woman is and that she’s sort of famous for being famous, but she’s got a nice set a cans so, what the Hell.

Okay, now that I read her wikipedia entry, I sort of get it.  Of course, large funbags never hurt.  Let’s get started.

1:19pm, July 31st:  “Morning everyone! U can pre-order Quick Trim from @GNCLiveWell at http://bit.ly/NewQT now!! Khloe and I both use it and we love it!!!”

Ouch.  Shameless promotion right out the gate.  I thought she was already rich?  Oh, well, everyone’s gotta eat.  And I guess some people gotta eat caviar.  Do you really drink Quick Trim, Kim?  Quick Trim.  Kinda sounds like a dirty code word for a fast fuck in the back of a gym or something.

5:29pm, July 31st:  “Kendall & Kylie are coming with me to the Teen Choice Awards Aug 9th! They are so excited!

Okay, those are her sisters and they all have K names.  They are the younger ones, so that makes sense they’d be excited.  I guess they’ll probably get to hang out with the Jonas Brothers or something.

7:40pm, July 31st: “I am on a plane right now! Love that I have internet access! So cool!

Thank God this is happening.  Plane rides are so boring.  Finally, I can watch porn at 10,000 feet.

7:41pm, July 31st: “I have a better connection here then at home or in most hotels. How is this even possible?

Oh, God you must be heading into a tower!  Look out!  Look out!

7:47pm, July 31st: “http://twitpic.com/cb8ky – Wow twitpic-ing from an airplane! So cool!”

A picture of your jugs would’ve been cooler.

8:04pm, July 31st: “http://twitpic.com/cbb1a – My view out of the window on the plane. Look at how pretty these clouds are!”

Not as pretty as those meat pillows you’re smuggling.

8:11pm, July 31st: “Wow I just ichatted w my best friend Samantha from the plane!

I’ll bet it went something like this:  “Samantha!  Hi!  I’m on a plane and I’m on the Internet!  I’m totally Tweeting!”

12:44am, Aug 1st:  “Please pray for @mikeyjim & his mother, who was just diagnosed w lung cancer. Lets start a positive thoughts movement. Send them our love”

Aw, man, that sucks.

1:05am, Aug 1st:  “4 those dealing w cancer & illness. The Lord is in control, God has a plan 4 us all…Don’t ever lose your positive spirit & have faith!”

The doctor has a plan too.  Interesting how religion enters the picture to fill in the gaps of understanding, eh?

8:37am, Aug 1st: “Check out this band…ExDetectives “Closing Bell” is now on iTunes and Amazon”

No link?  Tweet faux pas, but we’ll let it slide.  You’re still upset.  Here’s their Youtube channel.

2:09pm, Aug 2nd: “I’m on the plane on my way home…can’t wait to spend the week heavily working out! This week is my boot camp! LOL”

Yeah, I’m sure that will be Hell on Earth for you.  I’m going to picture you working out nude and then getting a giant pot of chocolate pudding dumped on you.  It can be diet pudding though.

2:20pm, Aug 2nd: “Khloe & I are on a workout mission, everyone join in! Get your dvd’s http://fitinyourjeansbyfrid… Let’s all workout together!”

My, God you need THREE DVD’s to impart this information?  I guess the rest of your workout is carrying all that money to the bank.  I say follow up with my pudding idea.  You’d sell a lot more DVD’s that way.

2:28pm, Aug 2nd: “OK, I get twitter happy when I’m on planes…I will stop now! LOL Enjoy your Sunday! Make this day about YOU! Everyone needs “me ” time!”

Yes, yes, please stop thinking about me and my enormous flesh mountains little people.  You deserve some time to think about yourselves.

4:07pm, Aug 2nd: “who’s gonna watch @kendrawilkinson get married to Hank tonight on the E! Channel? i cant wait!”

Wait, who?  Hold on.  *google, google, google*  Ah, okay, that Kendra.  She got some sexy headlights as well.  Maybe you both should wrestle in the pudding for the video.

10:24pm, Aug 2nd: “They lost my luggage :(“

Aw, man.  Some luggage jockey is either selling your panties on ebay or sniffing them.  Jeez, that sucks.  Well, look at it this way, it gives you an excuse to go shopping.

14 hours ago:  “I need help choosing the accent color 4 my perfume bottle! http://twitpic.com/cmw4v Which 1!?!? And check out my bottle! http://bit.ly/AYdT5″

I don’t know.  Pink?  I mean, it is for girls.

13 hours ago:  “My perfume bottle is not pink, It’s definitely different than what people would expect, I just need a touch of pink on the cap!”

I don’t think people really “expect” anything from your perfume bottle other than it hold perfume and not explode.  You know, if it was in the shape of your two happy chest friends, it would hold a lot more perfume.

13 hours ago: “Thanks so much 4 helping me choose my color! I can’t wait to show u guys the final bottle!

Yeah, real excited for you.  This is like picking the pope.

13 hours ago: “I love that you guys have helped create my perfume bottle. When I have more questions, I will ask u guys! Makes its so easy!”

Sure, ask us anything.  As you can see, I give good advice.

44 minutes ago:  “At Mr Chow w @pcdmelodyt. Lotoya Jackson, Christian Audigier, Mel B are all here! Fun night!”

That seems like a weird place and a weird group of people for Mel Brooks to hang out with.  He’s kind of a older guy, but I guess he still parties.  Aren’t you the little name dropper?

All right, we have to stop this before my head explodes.  Let’s rate Kim.  I give her a 7 for Style because she is incredibly girly.  A 3 for Mustness because she is incredibly girly and a 5 for Insantity because she is no doubt warped by her money and success.  That’s an overall score of 5, but I give her bulging tata’s an 8.  If you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.