I am a huge fan of Cops and America’s Most Wanted.  Of the former because it’s amazing to see how many drunken morons think it’s a swell idea to hold a member of your family at gun point just to win an argument.  This next twitter is sort of like Cops via Tweets and I am instantly hooked.

July 9th, 12:52am:  “But Officer, I Just Ate a Krispy Kreme Doughnut!”

I can’t really get behind this story.  Just seems like the cop is basking in the fear instilled in this guy who was just eating a donut.

July 9th, 2:56am:  “Alarm call at high school. We find a broken window. K-9 goes in and finds the perp. He goes to jail with some new scars.

This is always a fascinating mindset to me.  On the one hand, you gotta cheer the guy for cornering the criminal, but at the same time he seems to enjoying hurting the guy.  It’s not really his job to hurt people per se.

July 9th, 4:03am: “Running Radar

Yeah, that’s pretty much how my buddy got through his night shifts on the force.  Set up the radar gun and wait for someone to blast by you.

July 9th, 5:03am: “Stopped a guy going 64/45. A little fast but noone else was on road & he was super apologetic. Record was spotless so I gave him a warning.

Ah, yes.  I always “apologize” when I get pulled over.

July 9th, 6:21am: “Home safe, goodnight all. Have a safe day

Wait a minute.  Shouldn’t you be in a bar with your cop buddies, smoking and drinking and talking about your shattered marriages.  How the criminals go free and all your superiors are corrupt, plus your captain keeps calling you a “loose cannon” that plays by his own set of rules?  No?  Oh, I must be watching too much of The Wire.

July 9th, 10:42pm: “Barking dog call. Upon arrival I don’t hear any barking dogs. I am unable to contact anyone at the home where the dog is supposed to be at.

Dammit!  That’s because they’re robbing the bank on the other side of town!  You’ve been duped by the oldest call in the book.

July 10th, 12:39am: “Stopped a kid for going 74/45 with wet roads because it just rained. I wrote him a ticket.

Good call.

July 10th, 12:56am:  “Stopped a guy for 61/45. Saw rolling papers in his car so asked to search. He said yes but I didn’t find anything. Let him go on warning.

Did you warn him that he doesn’t have to legally allow you to search his car unless you have a search warrant?

July 10th, 6:02am:  “Quite second half of shift. Home safe.”

Brutal shift at those hours, dude.

July 10th, 7:17am: “DIGIKIDS Child ID Franchise opens in Orlando, Florida. Parents, look for events coming to your area soon!

Well, at least it sounds like they’re not implanting chips into people…yet.

July 11th, 12:29am:”Reserve police officer is riding with me again tonight. That means someone else to write my paperwork!

That means he pays for the donuts, right?

July 11th, 3:02am:  “Loud party call. I can hear them all the way down the hall. They have about 25 people inside but they agree to keep it down.

Yeah, until you leave Officer Sucker!

July 11th, 3:11am:  “Dinner”

Nice!  Where do you get pizza at 3am?

July 11th, 7:03am: “Vehicle vs Tree

Dammit, I bet everything on “Vehicle”.

July 11th, 7:08am: “Burglars Meet K-9”

Who hides in a laundry room?

July 11th, 10:56pm: “Reserve Officer with me again. Will let him drive me around tonight. First call house alarm. All secure. Very windy out. Might rain.”

Who won your game of “Meow”?

July 12th, 2:31am: “Fire alarm pulled by someone as a prank in an apartment building. Witnesses saw some kids near it but we can’t find them. Fd resets alarm.”

That sounds like my old college.  Every fucking Friday night.

July 12th, 2:33am: “Loud party call. About 30-40 people in this apartment. We make almost all leave and now its quite. O we got 4 calls on this party.”Yeah, thanks a lot.  Now what do I do with all these watermelons filled with vodka?!

July 12th, 3:43am: “Stopped a guy going 67/45 who also ran a red light. He was very nice & sober but his driving was very aggressive. He got a ticket.”

Interesting judgment call.  What determined the aggressiveness?  Did he run over a kitten?

July 12th, 6:13am: “Home safe. Goodnight all. Have a wonderful Sunday!”

Unless you’re having a loud party.

July 13th, 12:42am: “Just got word a Savannah, GA Police Officer was shot. Don’t know the extwnt of injuries. Hope he will be ok.”

That sucks.

July 13th, 2:37am: “Does anyone play spymaster? And is it any good?”

Focus, focus.  You got parties to ruin.

44 minutes ago: “2 guys with masks rob Subway at gunpoint, flee in vehicle. Searching but can’t find. No one hurt during robbery.”

Do you think they got away with the new Chipolte Cheesesteak too?!  Oh, God, no!

Okay, let’s rate Police Notes. I have to give it a 5 for Style, not particularly stylish, but not particularly bad. For “Mustness” I give a solid 8, always interesting stuff on the police blotter (especially if you live nearby). And finally, not very insane, although the criminals are, so I have to give a 6 for Insanity. That’s an overall score of 6.3. Well worth following. That’s all for TIF this week. If you have a suggestion, drop us an email here.