Bros:

Please welcome our new bros from Wonder Con and San Francisco!  (Shh, remember, we don’t haze anymore!  These new bros stuck their hands in monkey guts completely voluntarily.)  New bros, sorry about those monkey guts, but it was just really, really, funny.  The good news is, you’ve joined a fraternity that’s all over the world.  The bad news is, you have people all over the world that will bogart your stash and steal your beer.  Sorry, our bad.  In the meantime, go look at your pics and you can visit the Super Frat, Lambda Sigma Rho webpage to see our other bros.

Also, we do have a secret handshake.  What?  You don’t remember that I showed you it because you were too traumatized by touching monkey guts?  Well, I can’t just post it here, you’ll have to go to the frat’s webpage and find the hidden link.  It’s only because of my sense of altruism that I even tell you it’s there.  Good luck bros!