Hello bros and welcome to another edition of America’s favorite new blog post, Twitter in Focus! Where media comes to die! I know, I know, you have the attention span of a fruitfly and you’re already skipping this part, so I’ll keep it short. Today’s contestants are Dan Aykroyd and Larry Flynt.
First up, danaykroyd, who may or may not be the real Dan Aykroyd.
I just started searching for random celebrities and he was the first one that seemed like a legitimate hit. Remember, if you’re going to twitter on behalf of a celebrity, remember to preface your celebrity name with the word “fake”, like “fakelewisblack” or “fakemichaelbay“, etc. Real celebrities have real lawyers. Anyhow, Dan may be for real, but judge for yourself. He seems to be a noob.
29 days ago: “First time on the Twitter thing. And to think I’ve got nothing better to do in between making odd noises for the new Ghostbusters game!”
Okay, seems to be consistent, but anyone can find out what Dan is up to. They’ve been talking about the new Ghostbusters video game for a while.
29 days ago: “Went round to Chevy’s place last night. He cooked his mom’s secret pasta dish. He wouldn’t allow me in the kitchen while he was cooking it!”
If this was fake, it would seem a little too soon to mention Chevy. Is he name dropping or is this just his buddy? Plus I could see Chevy Chase being very guarded about a pasta dish.
14 days ago: “7 followers! How exciting! Will Twitter more regularly now. Just bought a bagel. Crab and mayo – delicious.”
I dunno. Dan Aykroyd has millions of fans. It would be weird that he’d be excited about seven. Hmmm.
12 days ago: “Ah, my good friend Liam is following me. Whatta guy. It’s thanks to him I got parts in Evolution and Blues Brothers 2000″
Okay, either he’s being sarcastic or it’s a fake guy being funny. Is this fake? On the one hand, Dan’s a busy guy, so he wouldn’t have time to do much twittering. So far, I’m leaning toward “fake” because it just doesn’t seem very “Dan Aykroyd” to me. Call it a gut feeling. I’ll keep following to see if there are any further updates.
I’m going to skip ranking Dan, let’s move on. As I went down my list of famous people in my head, I eventually stopped at larryflynt.
Larry’s blog seems totally legitimate for two reasons: 1) He probably has more free time to twitter than Dan Aykroyd and 2) his posts seem just random enough, but you be the judge.
July 17th 2008, 8:50pm: “watching a hot photoshoot”
Interesting. Gotta hand it to him. He doesn’t mess around with the usual “So this is twitter”. He dove right in. Seems consistent with Larry Flynt.
July 18th 2008, 9:04am: “just added 51 gorgeous ladies to follow. this twitter thing is great!”
Again, sounds just like Larry. Up early cruising for hot chicks on the Internet. I wonder if he has stock in Twitter. Is there stock in Twitter? Now would seem the time to buy.
July 18th 2008, 6:54pm: “I thought Obama was FOR the people?! Jesus F’n christ!”
What did Obama say, I wonder? Quick search. Maybe it was THIS. Isn’t also weird that a guy who makes porn for a living feels weird about posting “fuck” and posts “F’n” instead?
July 20th 2008, 8:02pm: “Along with a strong belief in your own inner voice, you also need laser-like focus combined with unwavering determination.”
Thanks, Larry! Now I have the inspiration to start my own porn empire!
July 23rd 2008, 3:25pm: “So today is Woody Harrelson’s Birthday… happy birthday woody!”
Woody Harrelson! I should’ve search for him. Is he on Twitter? Wait, no, he’s not. Then who is Larry talking to?
July 27th 2008, 12:05am: “Majority rule only works if yer also considering individual rights. b/c u can’t have 5 wolves & 1 sheep voting on what to have for supper.”
Oh, Larry, why didn’t you run for president? Oh, wait, YOU DID.
August 15th 2008, 7:01pm: “The only question to ask yourself is, how much are you willing to sacrifice to achieve this success?”
Is this Larry Flynt’s Twitter or Tony Robbins? Larry, you don’t have to sell me on your formula. Just use a couple of your hot, hot Hustler models as arm candy and we pretty much get it, bro!
August 23rd 2008, 4:47pm: “I like big butts and i cannot lie”
September 17th 2008, 4:03pm: “i’d rather be impalin sarah palin.”
Larry’s kind of running out of steam here. Guess the novelty of twitter is wearing off.
November 8th 2008, 2:31am: “Don’t worry Sara Palin… if you need work, I have a job for ya!”
I don’t know, Larry. She doesn’t seem very organized. She’d probably make a terrible office manager and— Oh, wait. Now I get it.
November 8th 2008, 2:34am: “Barack Obama’s authoritative win in Tuesday’s historic election proves, if nothing else, that optimism in the United States is not dead.”
It seems like Larry only responds to two things: sex and politics. He’s definitely not afraid to speak his mind.
January 3rd, 6:00pm: “Congratulations to Woody & Laura… AGAIN! http://budurl.com/woodyties…”
Again, Larry, I don’t think he’s twittering. You might want to try a phone call or an email.
January 3rd, 6:05pm: “ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH – Texas Governor RICK PERRY. what a jackass! http://budurl.com/aholeperry”
This is a link to Larry’s blog. It would seem to seal the deal that this is legit. Run against him, Larry! Are you in Texas? It doesn’t matter, you should do it anyway.
January 8th, 11:11pm: “@sugarjones as long as the government is handing out money, we want to be there to take it… Why NOT stick YOUR hand out?”
Nice! At least if they gave the money to Larry and the Girls Gone Wild guy, the taxpayers would definitely get it back. And if they didn’t, they could at least maybe get a free subscription or something.
Okay, time to rate Larry. I give him an 8 for style (he’s unapologetic and plows forward) a 10 for Insanity (You watched the commercial for his presidential run, right?) and a 6 for Mustness (he doesn’t update often). That gives him an even 8 Overall. Definitely worth your twitter moment to follow.
