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Apr07

Twitter in Focus: Kevin Spacey

by tonyd on April 7, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is one of my favorite actors. He was in the Usual Suspects, American Beauty and even played Lex Luthor, put your hands together for Kevin Spacey!

December 8th, 2009 11:04am: “The Eddie Izzard fundraiser at the Old Vic Theatre in London tonight at 11 is a benefit for the Old Vic Theatre”

Hey, he’s a busy movie star. He doesn’t have time to tweet all day!

December 8th, 2009 5:04pm: “Just finished show. In dressing room w/ Eddie Izzard. Tickets available to see Eddie at 11 on Old Vic stage so come down if you are around.”

Nice! Eddie’s hilarious and he fought against the BNP.

December 8th, 2009 6:16pm: “I am standing on stage at the Old Vic with Eddie Izzard who is just about to do his show. Come down for a drink.”

Are you really at the Old Vic or are you just staring at a coffee cup with the words “Old Vic” on it?

December 9th, 2:53pm: “Eddie Izzard was great last night. We raised a good amount of $ for the Old Vic. He’s the best & it was awesome having him on the OV stage”

Very cool. You know, I think you got robbed in the Superman movie. They didn’t really give Lex a chance to get really nuts. Your outburst was the best moment of the movie.

December 25th, 2009 10:51am: “Merry Christmas to all. May this day be filled with love, family, friends, gratitude & hope. We are blessed & should value our time together”

Dude, takes some time off. It’s the holidays.

January 8th, 1:35pm: “Been on holiday for a bit. Sorry not to have sent New Years wishes. Hope all had a blast & look forward to all to accomplish this year.”

I like you in The Men Who Stare At Goats. You’ve been playing a lot of evil guys in your movies recently. I guess they’re kind of the best characters really. More flawed. More fun to act.

January 16th, 10:12pm: “Been traveling; LA to visit on set of Social Network, as Trigger Street is producing; then to NY to see 2nd preview of As You Like It at BAM”

Busy, busy. Yeah, I used Trigger Street for a while. Haven’t had time to get back there. Interesting site for screenwriters.

January 16th, 10:13pm: “Finally back to London today to see preview of 6 Degrees of Separation at OV. What a crazy life! Rock on Twitter gang.”

Wait, how did you go from NYC to London in less than a minute?

January 28th, 2:10am: “FYI – as some of you know I have been in China filming & unable to access FB & Twitter. So to update I’m having @danabrunetti post for me.”

Nice! Dedication to the Twitter. Shows initiative, Kev.

February 3rd, 2:34am: “China is an experience. Been filming 2 wks. Daniel Wu, great actor & humble. Crew very good & enjoying the time. Hope all are well. #FB”

Oh, man. No Facebook either? C’mon, Kev, I could really use some help for my superhero team in Superhero City.

February 7th, 5:30am: “Film in China is INSEPARABLE. Directed by Dayyan Eg. He did a short BUS 44, that won a bunch of awards. No crazy food for me. Smiles -”

What would the Chinese consider “crazy food”, I wonder. Rocks?

February 10th, 10:08pm: “The new Six Degrees of Separation trailer is now uploaded to YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqV_dLiD3nY”

You actors love that live theater. You can’t get enough of it. It’s like cake to a fat man for you.

March 5th, 5:22am: “Apply now for the brilliant US/UK Exchange with the Old Vic. Email OVNV@oldvictheatre.com for info Application close 10th Mar”

Interesting. Kevin’s tweets are spaced far apart, yet he went to the trouble to keeping access to his twitter while in China. Hmm, was the novelty still new when you left, I wonder.

March 18th, 5:04pm: “Too true. I have been traveling across the globe. Hope all Tweeters are good. Tanks for all the cool messages. Peace out -”

13 days later and that sounds like he’s just continuing the conversation. Must be confusing with all the people that follow him.

March 24th, 1:55pm: “A new show opens next week in our Old Vic Tunnels. Go to: www.yournationlovesyou.com for ticket info & show times. ?FB”

Tunnels? Is the cast made up of CHUDs?

March 29th, 6:00am: “Great to hang w/Kate Moss last wk but not sure where stories of her treading boards at the Old Vic came from. Not a grain of truth in it!”

I think that’s probably one of the nicer rumors about Kate Moss.

April 4th, 7:24am: “Happy Easter. Enjoy time with family & friends – unless u have to work. All should be grateful to those who work if u are free! Peace”

You always remember Twitter on the holidays. It’s like we’re family now.

April 5th, 8:24am: “I support Paul McCartney’s Meat Free Mondays. RT”

I’m sorry, Kev. I can’t go more than 16 hours without a hamburger. Mmmm, think I’ll have one now. *munch*munch*munch*. Mmmm.

Okay, let’s rate Kevin’s tweets. For Style, I give him an 8, he’s pretty low key so 6 for Insanity and although his updates are far apart, he seems pretty dedicated, so 7. That’s an overall score of 7. Not bad. He’s good to follow because he won’t clog up your Twitter with nonsense. Quality, not quantity. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: Kevin Spacey, Twitter in Focus
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Apr06

Diet Food

by tonyd on April 6, 2010 at 12:01 am

It’s another strange video from our friends at Lead Pipe Studios. What do you do with too much diet food?

└ Tags: Diet Food
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Apr05

Drunk Counter Drunk: Gun Control

by tonyd on April 5, 2010 at 12:20 am

The last and most drunken episode with Tom and Donna. Look for a new seasons of DCD soon!

└ Tags: debate, drinking, drunk, Drunk Counter Drunk, funny, Gun Control, politics
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Apr03

Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: Pirate Jokes

by tonyd on April 3, 2010 at 12:27 am

Hey Bros:

Welcome to another installment of my rejected comedy samples. Today’s samples came from a pirate comedian that I was auditioning to write for off of Craigslist. Yes, you heard me, Craigslist. Enjoy the jokes matey! I hope ye won’t be sayin’, “Aaargh!”

Pirate Comedian Jokes
written by Tony DiGerolamo
copyright 2007

Lots of pirates have the hook for a hand. That’s because you do a lot of rope work on the ship and sometimes you’re too drunk to be doing it. You get your hand caught and boom— Hook for a hand. Lots of those guys with a hook, also have the eye patch on the same side. That’s because when they get the hook, they forget to take it off at night and the next morning they wake up and rub their eyes and— Ahhhh!

But living on a ship full time can be grueling. Eventually, you get sick of fish and you have to get to port and fuck something human.

Pirates get all the ladies. One reason, because we love animals. We always have a parrot or a monkey or a hamster or some little critter right here. So when we go into port the ladies are like, “Oh, so cute. Look at the little monkey.” Yeah, we don’t mention that the pet is usually the emergency food supply. Take it from me, when you’re starving, monkeys don’t taste that gamey, parrots are just like chicken and there’s a pet shop in every port. That’s why we always name the monkey “Hot Dog”. I only wish I could find a pig small enough to live on my shoulder.

You know what’s the worst part about being a pirate? It’s not burying your treasure, it’s digging it up. I normally pick these nice secluded spots, right? Bury all my bling. Then sure enough, the British Navy burns my ship and I gotta buy another. I follow the map and sure enough, some douchebag’s built a Best Buy right where the “X” on my map was. It sucks.

I walk into the Best Buy, hoping I can somehow get the information without telling them about the treasure. I go up to the cashier and I’m like, “Hey, how long you been working here?” And she says, “Oh, since the beginning.” I’m like, “Great, what about right before that? Did you maybe, swing by while they were building the store? Get your application in way early? Did any of the construction workers suddenly (make quote signs) “win” the lottery?”

Lots of people think pirates are gay and that’s not true. It’s just that after you’ve been to sea for four or five months, you have to use your imagination. Like, for instance, you imagine your friend, Scurvy Dave, is a 20 year-old Korean girl that gave you a happy ending before you left port. Or you close your eyes real tight when you kiss the cabin boy. Trust me, what happens below deck, stays below deck.

We can’t take women on board. Women are unlucky. That’s the belief. Sorry, no offense. Plus, once we get out to sea, the rules of decorum are greatly relaxed, let’s say. Trust me, you don’t want to be around to find out why we call it the poop deck, okay? You think Europeans are creepy in speedo, you haven’t seen Scurvy Dave work on his all over tan while he’s hauling up the anchor.

└ Tags: Pirate Jokes, Tony D's Rejected Comedy Samples
Comments Off on Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: Pirate Jokes
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