Hey bros.  Yours truly finally got his Ryesmore University license plate holder.  It’s sweet!

Super Frat has another store and this one is on Cafe Press!  Check out our beer stein, thong and much more!

And now it’s time for that prickly purveyor of wisdom…

The king of the Caryophyllales-Cactaceae…

Ladies and gentlemon’, the great Señor Cactus!

Swerving in Philly:

Dear Señor Cactus:

I drive better when I’m drunk. Would you ride with a drunk driver?

Kevin, 22, Philadelphia

Dear Future Roadside Memorial:

Ya can’t drive drunk, mon’! All dat swervin’ make ya throw up on yer passenger? Where else ya gonna do it? Yer glove compartment. Ya best ta be drivin one o’ dese:

But den again…

Dis all part of da chat in da message board mon’! Where ya been?

Wondering in LA:

Dear Señor Cactus:

My friend wants me to go see his terrible band. How do I gracefully get out of it without lying?

Danielle, 20, Los Angeles

Dear Dani-Don’t-Go:

Cactus say, when he get invited, he just go. He got no ears, so it don’t matter none how bad da band is. But it all depend on how bad ya don’t want ta go. Are ya willing ta smash yer hand wit a hammer no ta go? Or should ya just down a bottle of Ipecac?

Cactus say, learn ta lie. And if ya can’t, send us da link to da video for whatever ya do.

Zombie Fan in Florida:

Great Señor Cactus:

What’s the best way to fend off a zombie attack? Please be specific.

Roger, 19, Tampa, FL

Dear Roger of the Dead:

Cactus say, best way is ta remember if Grand Theft Auto has taught as anything, da car is da best weapon of dem all! Run dem zombies over, mon’! Ya won’t be complainin’ bout da price of gas fer yer SUV den!

Understanding Ex in Cali:

Señor Cactus:

My ex cheated on me with his maid and we broke up. After six months and dating a few other guys, I miss him. I’m thinking of taking him back, but I’m not sure it’s the wise thing to do. What do you advise?

Kelly, Marina Del Rey, CA

Dear “Wise” Woman:

Da maid? Cactus say, send dat woman dis way! Yer boy bangin’ da help he bang anyone. Dat just da tip of dat iceberg of bangin’! (Unless da maid look like da picture here.) Take him back? Cactus wouldn’t trust him ta go to da DMV by himself!

One of the fans at Wizard World Philly had the most awesome Simpson tats.  Check ‘em out.

Blinky!

Kodos?  Or is it Kang?

Don’t eat the insanity peppers!

This is my favorite.  If I lived in Springfield, I’d totally get this tattooed to me.

Brothers Hollywood and Thunderdick are in the Daily Variety.  And Super Frat gets a mention too!  Thanks bros!

Yo bros:

This weekend the Super Frat crew will be in Philly for Philadelphia Wizard World.

The Super Frat table will be at 1509.  Brother Hollywood (Christian Beranek) will be at table 1513 along with Brother Thunderdick (Ahmet Zappa) on Saturday.  Brother Inappropriate (M. Sean McManus) will also be there.  Look for the panel on Saturday, moderated by yours truly, about how to bring your comic book to Hollywood.

12:30-1:30 p.m.
HOLLYWOOD AND THE GRAPHIC NOVEL
The Wizard School Room - #202A
Join Ahmet Zappa and Christian Beranek as they discuss what it takes to navigate between graphic novels to film and back again. Moderating the discussion will be screenwriter and The Simpsons comics scribe Tony DiGerolamo.

Bros, it was bound to happen.  The Super Frat RPG is coming out.  Probably before Christmas.  $19.99 for the whole book.  It will be like Dungeons and Dragons with beer and college coeds!  Talk about livin’ the dream.

Super Frat Beer Pong is coming bros!  Custom balls just $3 each or the entire beer pong set with cups for $19.99!   Coming soon!

Yo, bros! Now you can have you’re very own official Lambda Sigma Rho frat paddle. Each paddle is custom-made with your choice of Super Frat _(TM) strip on the back! 2nd Assistant Pledgemaster Tony D certifies each one! Only $25.99 plus shipping and handling!  (Continental U.S. only.  All others, please email imfix@comcast.net for S&H .

And now it’s time for that prickly purveyor of wisdom…

The king of the Caryophyllales-Cactaceae…

Ladies and gentlemon’, the great Señor Cactus!

Looking for Love in Lambertville:

Yo, Señor Cactus:

Does love exist? I don’t think so.

Rhiley, 20, NJ

Dear Jersey Emo:

Cactus say, sure love exist! It just don’t exist for you yet mon’! And what kind o name is Rhiley? Last name? First? Are ya like Shakira now? Mebbe if ya weren’t so wrapped up in yerself, love would find ya. Until den, deres always weed!

Texas Cheat:

Señor Cactus:

I think my baby’s daddy is cheating on me. How can I test him?

Millie, 18, Texas

Dear Daddy Tester:

Cactus say, there is no way ta test an 18 year-old if he’s cheatin’. Because he is! At eighteen, boys get a boner in a stiff wind! Dey cheat wit da girls! Wit a porno, wit a dirty sock, da Internet, homemade vaginas— You could suck him off every two hours and he still masturbate when you not around! Buy him an industrial sized box of condoms and talk to him again at 25.

Have Stripper Will Travel:

Dear Señor Cactus:

I found a stripper’s card in the wallet of my boyfriend. Should I be worried?

Sandy, 23, Detroit

Dear Pick Pocket:

Cactus say, he tink ya should confront yer boyfriend, tell him ya went through his wallet so he can break up witchu! WTF? Mistah Shit has got da card of a good bong maker in his wallet. Don’t mean I want to fuck him or smoke his weed! (Wait a minute, I probably want to smoke his weed.)

Frustrated in Fremont:

Señor Cactus:

My girlfriend wants to have a threesome with another woman. This came out of the blue. How should I take this?

Donald, 19, Fremont, CA

Three is a Magic Number:

Cactus say, wife on da face and new girl on your dick. If yer lucky, ya can watch dem make out above ya at da same time!

Sticky Problem in Pottstown:

Señor Cactus:

How do you get rid of gum in your hair?

Demi, 32, Pottstown, PA

Dear Hubba Bubba Hair:

Cactus say, shave your pubes. Problem solved!

Green in Greensboro:

Dear Señor Cactus:

What did you do for Earth Day?

Marcus, 22, Greensboro, NC

Dear Hippie :

Cactus say, he turn up air condition, spray some hair spray and wasted some Styrofoam. He like da desert! You mammals are screw mon! Heh-heh. Uh, hey wait…