Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant never really dies, he just keeps coming back a higher form, ladies and gentlemen, the Dalai Lama.  Let’s see how funny #14 is.

@dalailama

May 18th:  “Human values like democracy, freedom of speech and freedom of the individual, these are changes whose momentum cannot be stopped.”

Yeah, but these jack-offs in charge sure know how to slow it down.

May 19th:  “HHDL will speak at the European Solidarity Rally for Tibet in Vienna, Austria, on May 26th. http://www.europefortibet.com/

Everybody’s gotta plug.

May 21st:  “Genuine friendship depends on genuine affection and taking a sense of responsibility for each other.”

That and a willingness to drive someone to the airport.  C’mon!  I can’t pay parking for a week!  It’s ridiculous!

May 22nd:  “HHDL greeting well-wishers waiting outside the Salzburg Arena before his talk in Salzburg, Austria, on May 21st. http://twitpic.com/9nxxci

HHDL is such a PR person’s term.  He needs a codename like “The Big Cheese” or “Enlightenator 2000″.

May 23rd:  “The ultimate source of happiness is not money and power, but warm-heartedness.”

Sadly, my electric company still doesn’t take warm-heartedness.  And have you ever try to stick that in an envelope?

May 25th:  “Cultivating inner discipline is something that takes time; expecting rapid results is simply a sign of impatience.”

That’s pretty much the entire Internet.

May 27th:  “HHDL speaking at the European Solidarity Rally for Tibet at the Vienna Heldenplatz in Vienna, Austria, on May 26. http://twitpic.com/9ptiuv

It’s a good gig being holy.  Get to travel the world.  Wave to people.

May 28th:  “HHDL attending Mass at St. Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna, Austria, on May 27th. http://twitpic.com/9q7ghw

Checking out how the other half lives, eh?

May 29th:  “The many factors which divide us are actually much more superficial than those we share.”

Tweet that wisdom!  Tweet it!

May 30th:  “Live Webcasts: HHDL introductory teachings on Buddhism for young Tibetans from TCV in Dharamsala, India, June 1-3. http://www.dalailama.com/liveweb

Neat.  I’ll bet you never thought something like that would happen back when you were only the 10th incarnation.

June 1:  “Warm-heartedness reinforces our self-confidence – giving us not a blind confidence, but a sense of confidence based on reason.”

Which the chicks dig.

June 4th:  “Live Webcasts: HHDL’s Introductory Buddhist Teachings from the Main Tibetan Temple in Dharamsala, India, on June 7-9. http://www.dalailama.com/liveweb

Look at that.  Free Buddhist lessons.  And other religions charge so much for that.

June 5th:  “HHDL talks about realistic compassion in a clip from his talk given at the University of Hawaii on April 15, 2012. http://youtu.be/YMm7J7egJfw

When you say attachment, you don’t mean my iPad right?  Because I really need that.

June 6th:  “The sole source of peace in families, countries and the world is altruism – love and compassion.”

Well, that and a decent cable TV package.

June 8th:  “To be extremely self-centred, only interested in your own satisfaction, always brings negative consequences in the long run.”

How dare you lecture someone as handsome as me.  I’m going to eat chocolate and bang.

June 11th:  “When, from the depths of your heart, you spontaneously wish all beings to find true, lasting happiness, this is great love.”

That’s tough, because it’s hard to wish that guy that cut me off true lasting happiness.  Can I wish that he drives in a ditch first?

Okay, let’s rate His Holiness’s tweets.  Full of wisdom, therefore a 1 for Insanity, 6 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 5.3, but adding in all his other incarnations and their possible tweets, I give him a 9.  You gotta have something other than comedians and pornstars to follow.  amirite?

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