Fellow space geeks, Space X’s first commercial spaceship is an exciting success.  This means we are one step closer to living our dream of traveling the galaxy and bang hot, green space poon.  But with this new avenue of commercial space travel, there will be limits.  Here now are Ten Things You’ll Never Hear on a Commercial Spaceship.

1.  “Welcome on board and we thank you for flying Jet Blue.”

2.  “I am sick of these motherfuckin’ snakes on this motherfuckin’ spaceship!”

3.  “Great to have you on board, Mr. Baldwin.  You’re incredibly pleasant.”

4.  “Passengers, this is your captain.  I’m sorry, but there’s too much traffic near the space station, we’re going to have to go back to the tarmac for awhile.”

5.  “In the event of loss of cabin pressure, decompression will kill us all instantly.”

6.  “This is the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.”

7.  “Stewardess, why does my coffee keep floating away?”

8.  “Hey want to join the Zero-G club?”

9.  “What do you mean this isn’t the 4:15 flight to Akron?  I gotta meeting in Columbus in two hours!”

10.  “Please take your seat, Mr. Shatner.  You’re not in command!”