There’s the real news and then there’s the news that cuts through the crap and the niceties.  No tact, just rewritten fact!  This is the Rewritten News!

Real: Avengers Director Joss Whedon on Doing Right by the Hulk

Rewritten: Film Maker Takes Risk By Promoting Movie to Dateless Movie Goers

Real: Greenland’s 200 Glaciers Not Melting as Fast as Some Feared

Rewritten: Humans Destroying Themselves Slightly Slower That Previously Thought

Real: Stephen King:  Tax Me for F@%$’s Sake!

Rewritten: Stephen King:  I Have Too Much F@%&$ing Money!

Real: Tiger Woods Still Fighting Demons Off the Tee

Rewritten: Tiger Woods Still Not Boning Enough Pornstars

Real: John Edwards Denied Affair But Balked After Signing Affidavit

Rewritten: Man Lies About Cheating on His Wife

Real:  ‘The Scream’ is Auctioned for a Record $119.9 Million

Rewritten: Rich Guy Buys Depressing Painting Anyone With an Internet Connection Can See for Free

Real: Zombie Ants Fight Fungus With Fungus

Rewritten: Walking Dead Fans Link Science Article in Hopes of Bringing About Z-Day

Real: Avian Flu Study Finally and Fully Published

Rewritten: Formerly Scary Disease No Longer Interesting Now That Actual Facts Have Been Published