Time for the news the way you like it. Short, sweet and mostly true. This is Rewritten Headlines!

Real: World’s Smallest Frog Discovered

Rewritten: Jokes About Tiny Frenchman Suddenly Flood Internet

Real: Congressman Lamar Smith, is a Copyright Violator

Rewritten: Congressman Continues Long Tradition of Hypocrisy

Read: Stephen Colbert Leads Jon Huntsman in South Carolina Poll

Rewritten: Jon Huntsman Less Popular Than Comedy Central

Real: Cancer Barbie: Backers Seeking Bald Doll to Help Sick Kids Come to Terms with Hair Loss

Rewritten: Most Depressing Toy Ever Soon to Hit Shelves

Read: Fed’s Image Tarnished by Newly Release Documents

Rewritten: Shitty Agency Even More Shitty Than Previously Imagined

Real: Toledo’s Record-Setting Wide Receiver, Eric Page, Leaving School Early for NFL Draft

Rewritten: Athlete Realizes School is Bullshit