Hey bros! Happy July 4th! In your drunken state during these happy festivities, you might be surprised to learn that there is still news out there. Don’t worry! Tony D has rewritten the headlines so you can get back to shotgunning Coors Light into your beer hole!


Real:
Sir David Frost Paid to Promote Gadaffi

Rewritten: Gadaffi’s PR Done by Nixon’s Guy

Real: Jurors to Begin Deliberations in Casey Anthony Trial

Rewritten: Nancy Grace’s Meal Ticket to End Soon

Real: The Los Angeles Dodgers Many Problems

Rewritten: Detroit Tigers Finally Not Shittiest Team in Baseball

Real: Shia LaBeouf: This is my Last Transformers

Rewritten: Shia LaBeouf:  My Agent Says the Studio Won’t Pay Me More

Real: ExxonMobil Attempts to Limit Oil Spill on Yellowstone River

Rewritten: ExxonMobil Begins Television Push to Make You Forget Their Fuck Up

Real: Facebook Connecting With Skype

Rewritten: Time Wasting to Add More Visuals and Sound

Real: “True Blood” recap 4×2: Louis Pasteur was a Vampire?

Rewritten: Anna Paquin’s Tits Continue To be Watched