Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: Star Wars
on March 13, 2010 at 12:01 am
Hey Bros:
This next script sample isn’t a comedy except for the title, but I thought it was a cool sample. If you’re into Star Wars, you might like it. Enjoy!
Star Wars Episode 7: Death to Jar Jar
Sample Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2009
PAGE 1
LARGE PANEL 1: INT. ALPHA FIVE STRONGHOLD COMMUNICATIONS ROOM-DAY
CHANCELLOR ANTILLES (early 50’s, graying, but robust) is putting the finishing touches on his evacuation plans. He is dressed in a Chancellor outfit and carrying a blaster. He presses the button down on a console panel. In the background, the room is shaking and bits of debris are falling from the ceiling. REPUBLIC CIVILIANS run two and fro in a panic. These are droids, humans and other aliens that worked in the civilian end of the crumbling Republic government.
CHANCELLOR
Repeat, this Chancellor Antilles! Evacuate the planet
immediately! Evacuate!
SOUND EFFECT: Rumble! Boom! Crumble! Smash!
PANEL 2: TWO SHOT: CHANCELLOR AND REBIK
REBIK is a Rodian (Greedo-style alien) with a prissy, civilian and “I work for the chancellor” outfit. He carries a small handheld computer and looks physically weak. The Chancellor turns toward him and away from the computer console.
REBIK
Please Chancellor! We must flee!
The Sith are everywhere!
CHANCELLOR
Steady, Rebik. We’ve escaped worse.
PANEL 3: ANGLE ON CHANCELLOR
As he steps away from the console, a large piece of the concrete support crashes down on it. He is thrown forward on Rebik, who falls over.
SFX: Smash!
PANEL 4: TWO SHOT: CHANCELLOR AND REBIK
The duo begins to stand up.
CHANCELLOR
What impeccable timing you have.
REBIK
(worried)
I try, chancellor, I try.
PAGE 2
PANEL 1: THREE SHOT FAVORING FOGO
FOGO, a human with dark features and a somber look enters the room. He has a light saber at his side and a blaster. He’s dressed in plain fatigues that sort of make him look like a janitor. He marches into the room as the Chancellor and Rebik get up and start moving to the doorway. Rebik points at him accusingly.
CHANCELLOR
Fogo? I thought you’d left.
REBIK
(angry)
He is the one that brings this nightmare
upon us!
FOGO
This is not the time…
PANEL 2: THREE SHOT: FOGO, REBIK AND CHANCELLOR
They rush through the hallway of the stronghold as it crumbles. A light explodes and falls from the ceiling in the background.
SFX: Zzzt! Smash! Pop!
FOGO
Even if I wanted to rejoin my Sith brothers,
they would kill me. Your betrayal is my own.
REBIK
(to Chancellor, objecting)
Sir!
CHANCELLOR
It’s true, Rebik. Fogo is a changed man.
I’d stake my life on it!
LARGE PANEL 3: INT. STRONGHOLD HANGAR-DAY
REPUBLIC TROOPS AND CIVILIANS are scrambling to various ships in the docking bay. Here and there a few pieces of debris rain down from the ceiling. Rebik runs ahead of Fogo and the Chancellor.
SFX: Boom! Rumble!
FOGO
I sense a presence here… Rebik, wait!
REBIK
No! We must flee now!
PAGE 3
PANEL 1: TWO SHOT: DARTH NEMESIS AND REBIK
DARTH NEMESIS is a cyborg wookie with dark fur. His right eye, nose and most of his mouth has been replaced with cybernetics. He carries a massive red light saber, which he swings out from under his black cloak cutting Rebik in half.
REBIK
Ah!
DARTH NEMESIS
Raaaurrrrgh!
PANEL 2: GROUP SHOT FAVORING NEMESIS
Darth Nemesis stands before Fogo and the Chancellor. He is an impressive figure that towers over the two humans. His voice box does not allow for his mouth to move.
DARTH NEMESIS
Fogo, my old pupil, how you disappoint me.
Cut off the chancellor’s head and I might let
you live to serve the Sith once again!
PANEL 3: TWO SHOT: CHANCELLOR AND FOGO
Fogo fires up his light saber. It’s green.
SFX: Fzzztt!
CHANCELLOR
I’m afraid Fogo has seen the true path of the Force,
Darth. Those who hate shall be consumed by it.
So is the fate of all Sith.
DARTH NEMESIS
(OFF PANEL)
Ha!
PANEL 4: THREE SHOT FAVORING DARTH NEMESIS
Fogo and Nemesis begin to circle each other in preparation for battle. The Chancellor stays behind Fogo.
DARTH NEMESIS
Are we not all consumed by that of which we
desire? Take my student, here! He wanted
nothing more than to defend his precious
sister! But he was weak and she died. Will
you be weak again, Fogo?
PANEL 5: TWO SHOT: FOGO AND NEMESIS
The two warriors face off. Nemesis continues to taunt him.
DARTH NEMESIS
Maybe I should return you to the desert hut
where I found you crying! Do you remember
the smell of the blood? I do…
PAGE 4
PANEL 1: FLASHBACK PANEL WITH NEMESIS
Nemesis cropped in the corner. In FLASHBACK behind him, we see FOGO AS A BOY, hiding in the desert hut. He has his back to a robed figure, which is NEMESIS BEFORE HE WAS CYBERNETIC. He shoots Fogo’s Sister,
DARTH NEMESIS
Because I was the one that killed her!
PANEL 2: TWO SHOT: FOGO AND NEMESIS
Furious, Fogo attacks Darth Nemesis savagely. Nemesis blocks the blows with his light saber, but staggers back.
FOGO
Ahhhh!!!
SABER SFX: Fzzt! Fzzt! Fzzt!
PANEL 3: TWO SHOT: FOGO AND NEMESIS
Nemesis uses his strength to hurl Fogo against the Chancellor’s shuttle.
SFX: Slam!
FOGO
Ooof!
PANEL 4: TWO SHOT: NEMESIS AND CHANCELLOR
The Chancellor tries to get to the shuttle, but Nemesis points his light saber at him.
DARTH NEMESIS
Please, Chancellor, stay where you are. I don’t
want to kill you…first.
PANEL 5: TWO SHOT: FOGO AND NEMESIS
Fogo gets to his feet and picks up his light saber, but he’s a little wobbly from the previous blow.
FOGO
Leave him alone, Darth. This is between
us. Let’s finish this.
DARTH NEMESIS
Ha, ha, ha! Incredible! A Sith that thinks he
is a Jedi!
(second balloon)
Yes, let’s finish this.
PAGE 5
PANEL 1: TWO SHOT: FOGO AND DARTH NEMESIS
Darth Nemesis uses the Force to lift up Fogo and choke him.
FOGO
Gag! Gasp!
DARTH NEMESIS
Fool! You could’ve been a Darth! Now you are
nothing! You should’ve stayed a Sith! You
should’ve kept your Sith light saber!
PANEL 2: CLOSE UP ON FOGO
He’s sweating and choking, but he’s also holding out his hand.
FOGO
(gasping)
I…did…
PANEL 3: TWO SHOT: DARTH AND FOGO
Behind Fogo, laying on a packing crate, is Fogo’s Sith light saber. Fogo uses the Force to turn the red light saber on and levitate it toward Nemesis just as he turns around.
SFX: Fzzzzzt!
DARTH NEMESIS
What?!
PANEL 4: ANGLE ON DARTH NEMESIS
The light saber goes point first into the cybernetic side of his head and comes out the back. He drops his giant light saber.
DARTH NEMESIS
(screaming in pain)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!
