sf-chris-avatar.jpg with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

— The anonymous neighbor who called the state down on a Michigan mom who was watching her neighbors’ kids before school, accusing her of operating an unlicensed day care, should eat a huge, neighborhood-sized dick.  “It takes a village…”, right?

—  Six Connecticut women have been charged with beating a woman after her performance at a karaoke night.  They were ejected from the bar before they could sing their song choices.  I find this whole situation very depressing.  Those girls should be able to sing a song.  How about “Put it in Your Mouth” by Akinyele?

— To the sick fuck who wrapped a cat in duct tape and dumped it in North Philly, he (let’s all be honest, this was a dude– no chick would think of something as stupid as duct taping a cat) deserves to eat a dick, and to sit in a box full of rabid cats with a bag of catnip wrapped around his dick with, you guessed it, duct tape.

— Stephfon Bennet, the idiot who asked out a woman at her home who he had just robbed two hours earlier, should eat a dick, and then be slapped in the head with it.  Dude, seriously, WTF?

— A big dick– big enough to feed an army– needs to be served up to the Canadian military for doing such a bad job teaching French (one of Canada’s official languages) to their own soldiers that an American company is going to teach them.  It’s a sad day when a country fails at its own language.  A sad, dick-eating day.

— And finally, for her ignorantracist, and borderline homophobic blathering, Ann Coulter is the first recipient of a very special honor in this column’s history, the “Who Should Eat a Dick Lifetime Dick in the Mouth”.  Whosoever receives this award is entitled to have a dick in his/her mouth in perpetuity, thus ensuring that all be spared hearing anything else they have to say, or, at the very least, reducing the sounds that come out of their mouth to resemble those of the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons.  Way to go Ann Coulter– now have a dick in the mouth, and shut the fuck up.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.