New Time Wasting Machine Design Leaked in Time Wasting Article
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New Time Wasting Machine Design Leaked in Time Wasting Article
Fish Have Surprisingly Good Access to Drugs
Mayor Bloomberg to Soon Ban Refrigerators
Crutches and Wheelchairs to Become Much Kinkier
Adorable Vermin Interrupt Sporting Event
Hey Bros!
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is hilarious Kerri Kenney of Reno 911 and the State fame. She’s funny on TV, let’s see if she’s funny on the Twitter.
January 24th: “Filming the New Normal today. So far…it’s totally true!! Not one out of the ordinary thing has happened on set!”
Awesome. Psyched for the new movie.
January 25th: “Always wear eye shadow. People will take you more seriously with eye shadow on. #mymomsadvice”
That’s true, especially if you need to be taken seriously at a Goth club.
January 25th: “Stand up straight. It will trick people into thinking you’re smart. #mymomsadvice”
My mother always said to stay low, it’ll be harder to get shot.
January 25th: “If you’ve spent less than an hour styling your hair in the morning, you are not finished. Go back and fire up the hot rollers. #mymomsadvice”
I can’t fire up the hot rollers with gerilcurl, that’s going to cause a fire.
January 26th: “Yesterday I made several twitter jokes about my mom. Today she’s in the hospital with kidney stones. Oops. #daughteroftheyear”
Jesus Christ! Watch out for cracks on the sidewalk,Kerri.
January 30th: “I know my OCD’s are in full effect when I start rearranging OTHER people’s toilet paper rolls to face the “correct” way. #yourwelcome”
Chelsea Lately’s green room must be spotless.
February 5th: “Go buy @HeatherMcDonald‘s book, My Inappropriate Life, today! Then read it! Then laugh! Then you can do whatever you like. You’re dismissed.”
So many instructions in 140 characters.
February 9th: “Going for a romantic dinner with my hubby tonight.aka putting on spanx to drink overpriced wine while discussing our son’s bathroom habits.”
That sounds…kinda gross.
February 10th: “Lost a member of our Reno911 family this week. Helicopter pilot, David Gibbs. Our hearts go out to the other 2 victims and their families.”
Aw. Sad.
February 10th: “My gal pal @pink was the winner in MY book. So congratulations! From me and my book. We love you. Winner winner chicken dinner. So there.”
Look, Barnes & Noble is bound to close soon, so get this book out now.
February 11th: “Chelsea Lately tonight! @MichaelYo! @MoMandel! @ChelseaHandler! Me! Why not?! http://twitpic.com/c2xaw4”
Nice. I’ll have to keep an out for you on that. Either that or you should get on The Burn. I think you’d be good on that.
Okay, let’s rate Kerri’s tweets. Behind the Scenes stuff, genuine stuff, celebrity name drop and funny self-deprecating stuff, how could you go wrong? I give her a 9 for Mustness, a 9 for Insanity and a 10 for Style. That’s an overall score of 9.3. One of the highest in a while. Follow Kerri.
And if you have suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
The pledgemaster is back. Time for him to lay down some judgement while he tries to nurse a Monday hangover.
Christopher Dorner: Not Fratty
Although the ex-LAPD member probably got screwed by the system, blowing away three people to prove your point doesn’t cut it. Whatever happened to a multi-million dollar lawsuit? And while you’re at it, how about spell checking your manifesto before you post.
The LAPD: Never Fratty
Being a cop pretty much ruins any chance of frattiness, but LA cops seem to go to a new level of dickishness. Like NYPD and Philly PD level.
The Celtics: Fratty
Winning seven straight and the last one in triple overtime? Very fratty. It almost makes up for lack of football.
Justin Timberlake: Kinda Fratty
Hey, my Myspace account was just sitting there. I’m glad someone figured out something to do with it.
The Walking Dead: Fratty, Then Not Fratty, Then Really Fratty, Now Not So Fratty
Just as it seemed the producers of the show figured out the complex structure of shooting zombies each week, the half season premiere (already a lame idea) goes backwards by making Rick do stupid and crazy shit. When is Breaking Bad starting up again?
The Grammys: Not Fratty
I think we all know why.
Snow: Not Very Fratty
Okay, maybe if you ski and snowboard. But let’s face it, we have machines for that sort of thing now. I need a foot of snow on the highway like I need a newspaper to tell me breaking news.
The Simpsons: Tapped Out: Fuckin’ A Fratty
I though iPad games were kind of stupid, until I downloaded this. Nice!
Facebook: No Longer Fratty
Besides changing the fucking interface every two weeks, Facebook has just become annoying. The Internet’s embodiment of TMI. I never thought I’d long for the days of a basic Facebook profile with just six pics. Now I have to get updates from every person I ever met. No, I don’t want to play Mafia Wars. No, I don’t want to see your pics from your trip to Cancun. My timeline is like an endless stream of information I completely ignore. Can we all just agree to move on and start over with Twitter until that turns into the next Friendster?
Jim Jefferies: Very Fratty
If you haven’t seen his comedy specials, see them. And definitely catch his new TV show, Legit on FX. He fuckin’ rules.
I’m not sure why Steven Soderbergh thought he’d be good to direct the female version of the Bourne Identity or why a friend of mine recommended this movie, but I needed something to justify my monthly flee to Netflix, so I thought I’d watch Haywire.
I guess it’s not a totally awful movie with a cast that includes Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor and Michael Douglas. But then there’s Channing Tatum, who only reminds me that I also sat through that shitty G.I. Joe movie. Gina Carano, the lead and kickass martial artist, is fairly kickass. But her movies are more functional than flashy. That added a certain realism to the flick, but near the end (spoiler) when she’s fighting Ewan McGregor, I was like c’mon. That skinny little Jedi Master is no fighter. If I’m confident I can beat up the actor, he should not be posed as a plausible physical threat to anyone, especially the kickass chick in this movie.
The plot is pretty by the book: agent goes somewhere, gets betrayed, has to find the people that betrayed her. But while Soderbergh seems to function on the pragmatic aspects of being a spy, fugitive, Bourne, etc, he seems to forget that we’re supposed to be watching an exciting movie. The pacing is very uneven and the tone seems more appropriate for some indie romantic comedy, not a movie in which guys get their faces bashed in. Get Carano a James Bond type theme and crank up the punch sound effects and maybe that would help. But even the car chase is kind of uneventful.
I dunno. Maybe watching on my TV didn’t help. I mean there were a few interesting shots, but when several minutes go by with scenes about spies showing up for a mission and getting ready, you’ve got to wonder if Soderbergh was just padding at that point. And the convoluted plot involving a kidnapped journalist was extremely hard to follow and I was not emotionally invested because I didn’t even know the character.
So if you want to watch an action movie that downplays the action, so you have plenty of time to play iPad games while you watch it, put Haywire in your cue.
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Bad Pudding
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Black Tail and Marz
Bunny Wiggins
Capes and Babes
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Center Lane
Champion City Comics
City Folk, The Webcomic
Company Man
Convenience Store Diet
Corpse Run Comics
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Crunchy Bunches
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Damn Heroes
Destroyed by Robots
Dodgy Comics
Doug Lefler
Druid City
Fart Related Comics
Fatherhood. Badly Doodled
The Flavor Razor
Frownland
The Funnicks
Game Cupid
Games Finder
Game Period
Gerbil with a Jetpack
Giving the Devil Her Due
H.I.T.
The Hero Business
Hit Girlz
I, Mummy
Java Jaguar
Ker-Bop
Kick Man
Krrobar.com
LaSalle’s Legacy
Legacy Control
Modest Medusa
Murdercake
Mythdirection
Ninja and Pirate
The Other End
OutwitTrade
Plan C
QWERTYvsDvorak
Robot Friday
Romantically Apocalyptic
SCAPULA
Skitter
Skroode
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StocktonCon
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Tangent Artists
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